Finally got some sleep last night April 30, 2008

C is amazing. It’s like he knows when I need him to be an angel. Last night he was fantastic. Granted, I let him play video games for 2 hours straight, so he really didn’t have much to complain about. I know that’s bad, but I really did not have the energy to do a whole lot else last night. I was just so exhausted. So we were vegging on the sofa together, watching some sitcom, when out of the blue at 8:40 C says to me, “I’m going to go to bed now, will you come tuck me in?” 8:40pm! It’s usually a fight to get him in bed by 9:30!

So I tucked my little piece of heaven into bed, and went back to the sofa and fell asleep right were I was around 9 or so. And I didn’t wake up once, until my alarm went off at 6 this morning! The sleeping felt so nice that I reset the alarm for another whole hour. I feel so much better this morning. The sadness is still with me, but I don’t feel so much like a zombie this morning.

Everyone enjoy their day, and the people in it. Tell the people that surround you that you love them, and don’t take anything for granted. Enjoy the moment that you are in!

In loving memory of Terri… April 29, 2008

On Sunday, the world lost one of the greatest women I have ever met. We became friends one night at a pub 3 or so years ago, and became inseparable. She was my sidekick, my partner in crime, my confidant and my cheerleader. Shortly after Terri and I met, we initiated Rachel into our “gang.” The three of us did everything together for close to 2 years.

Terri was the most radiant woman I have ever met. She had a magnetism about her that you couldn’t deny. Everything we did was fun, no matter how mundane it could have been. She had a lot of obstacles in her life, but you wouldn’t have ever known that by her attitude. She was an inspiration, and an example of how to live your life to it’s fullest.

It had been months since we had talked before her death. I can’t come close to explaining how angry I am at myself. To just see her one more time, and hug her and tell her how much I learned from her and am lucky to have had her as a friend…

 

Strange kids April 25, 2008

I just don’t like them. Not one bit. They’re shifty, and needy and whiney.

Now, I’m not talking about my son, my nieces or my friends’ kids. They are all examples of perfection and I love them dearly. I’m talking about the greedy, gallivanting, token hungry kids running amok at  Chuck E. Cheese.

I actually really enjoy Chuck E. Cheese. I just don’t like all of the other kids there. Actually, I don’t particularly care for the other parents there either. But over all, I really really enjoy the times that C and I spend together at Chuck E. Cheese. Let me just give you a few examples of why I don’t like the kids, and the parents…

C and I were kicking ass at Skee Ball last night, when this tiny tot waddles over to where I am playing on the end game. I see him out of the corner of my eye approaching me, but think he’ll get distracted by something else, or maybe his parent will find him and keep an eye on him. But no, he just keeps approaching me. He gets about 6 inches from my leg, looks up 5 feet to my face and says, “Give me money!” I am so not joking. To which I replied, very maturely, “No!” I work hard for my money, I’m not going to fork it over to some demanding child who probably wouldn’t have even said thank you.

As C and I are continuing on our lucky Skee Ball streak, another ankle biter walks by and takes one of my balls! He just picked it up with one hand, while his mom is dragging him by the other. So I chased after him, and said “Excuse me, that’s my ball.” And he handed it back to me. But his mom looked at me like I was the devil incarnate. I’m sorry, but just because I am at a place filled with kids, doesn’t mean that I love them all as my own. And I wasn’t being mean… I was winning, I needed my ball back!

BUT THEN! The best part was when I was throwing my arm back to get a good solid throw of the ball, people would be walking soooo close to my butt, that I’d smack them on the wind up. With a big heavy ball in my fist. Hello?!?? Can’t you see this is the SKEE BALL AREA? Where people play SKEE BALL?? And they wind up sometimes, so you shouldn’t walk close enough to rub against their back! This happened 3 times. One time was okay, because it was a kid, and he hit my butt before I hit him with the ball. But the other 2 were adults! And when I hit them with my fist clutching a skee ball, they looked at me like I was purposefully aiming for them! My goodness! The stupidity of people is amazing to me.

 

You know what’s funny? April 23, 2008

B can’t get enough of me now!He’s always emailing me. Wanting to go to lunch, or to hang out. We haven’t actually seen each other since the Hockey Hag incident, but he emails me all the time. Like today, I’ve received…1,2,3,…..9 emails from him in the past 36 hours. (I know I said today, I’m too lazy to go back and change it!)

He wanted to hang out this weekend. I said “Sorry! I have plans on Friday night, and Girls Night on Saturday night!” Of course he heard this as “I’m having sex with some other guy Friday night, and some sort of lesbian thing on Saturday!” I told him, “No…Friday nights I now read to the homeless, legless, blind, mute, hairless monkeys at the zoo. And girls night has nothing to do with the dirty thoughts in your head.” Actually Friday night I have a date. It’s a first one. We’ll see how it goes. Of course I will keep you informed!

Random Bloggings… April 23, 2008

So…last week after the whole B/Hockey Hag thing my friend Leann sent me a text asking what a hockey hag was. “I have NO idea” was my reply. Then the next text I get from her says “I just googled it, and your blog was the first link that came up!” Oh my goodness!!! So funny! If my blog is the first hit for hockey hag, then I think B made that up!

I’d like to use this open forum to make a public apology to anyone who I have offended by the inappropriate stories I tend to tell after a few cocktails. The kind of stories that would never be told without cocktails. Friday night I was having a few cocktails with Jenny & the Dustholes (we’re coming out with an album soon….watch for it!) and told them a hilarious, yet completely inappropriate story about a sexual experience gone wrong. I started the story with “This is probably more than you guys want to know…” which should have been my clue to stop right where I was and shut my mouth. We all ended up having a good laugh at the story. Yes, it was really funny, and no, I won’t share it here. The next day though, I thought to myself, “Wow, I am sure they could have gone without knowing that!”

Jenny & the Dustholes aren’t the only ones who have had to go through that. I know there are a lot of you out there. So I’m sorry…to you all. I will work on that. I promise. And if you are ever sitting across from me, and I have a martini glass in one hand and start a sentence with “This is probably inappropriate….,” it probably is. And you should probably stuff some flatbread in my mouth!

You guys really know how to make a girl feel special! April 18, 2008

Since starting this blog I have had numerous people email me and compliment my writing skills. Thank you so much! I used to write often, and forgot how much I really enjoy it. Getting positive feedback from this blog feels incredible. I never get this many compliments on my ninja skills!

So thank you to all of my beautiful friends for their beautiful words!

Oh…one more thing. I totally don’t know what half of these options I have on my blog do. Like the random Dick’s Sporting Goods tag that was under that post, didn’t really mean for that to be there. Maybe someday I’ll read all about them and make this blog super cool. Until then, just be patient and we’ll see what happens!

Love to all!

Hockey Hag, anyone?!? April 16, 2008

I could go off about the email I got in return from B. But I won’t. I am not going to use this blog to deface people, even though you all only know him as B, and there have got to be thousands of people in the metro area who fit him as I’ve described and have “B” as their first initial. But I’ll be nice. But I’ll let you read his email…hehe. There’s nothing illegal about that is there? There was no disclosure saying it was confidential. If anyone knows any different…let me know?

“The hockey playoffs are going good!
 
Sounds like you have had a good week!
 
Yes…the time has come in your mind to define this relationship.  I am certainly not looking for the significant other and i am not looking
to get serious with anyone any time soon.  This is a bunch of girly crap indeed….but im glad you said something.   I enjoy spending time
with you….but it appears we are looking for different things…i need a hockey hag.
 
Bryan”

Oops…did I leave his name in there? Oh well. Screw him. I have no idea what a hockey hag is, but I am pretty damn sure that I am not one. Does anyone know what a hockey hag is? I am assuming it’s some nasty little hoe to watch hockey with. Which I am not. I like how he calls it girly crap.

Good ridence, B! Good luck in finding the elusive hockey hag of your dreams!

 

I did it anyway… April 16, 2008

And I did it all wrong. And by email. And I apologized for something I didn’t want to apologize for. Damn it!

So I got a lame ass email from B today, apologized for being flaky lately. Apparently he’s been busy with, get this, watching hockey, drinking and rafting. Man the stress he must have! Okay, I need to stop myself because this isn’t about bashing B, it’s about the asshole email I sent in response. Here it is, in all of it’s glory, because I want you to get the full picture of how wrong the whole email was.

“Hey,
 
Glad to hear your hockey team is doing well! That must be exciting.
 
Not sure what I am up to tonight. C is with his dad, so whatever strikes me I guess. 
 
I really don’t want to be “that girl” but I just need to be honest with you. I’d really like to have someone significant in my life, something more than casual dating. I really like you, and I have SO much fun with you but I get the impression that you aren’t looking for something serious. Which is fine, I’d just kind of like to know what it is you are looking for and what you are thinking/feeling.
 
Sorry for being all girly ;0)
 
Happy afternoon,
B”

Reasons I am mad at myself:

• I apologized for wanting to know where he is in this “relationship” we’re having. I AM 50% of it after all, I really don’t need to apologize for wanting to know his thoughts on it. Apologizing for this makes me sound like an abused girl with no self-esteem. 
• I said I was sorry for being “all girly”…eye roll…seriously. You’d think I just stepped out of a 1950’s sitcom and believed that men are better than women. Like being “all girly” is something I need to apologize for, and that men never ask questions about relationships.
• I sugar coated it all. I didn’t have the balls to come straight out and ask “What is going on? Where do you stand?” I had to surround it with pleasantries and cheesiness.

I don’t know why it came out that way. It’s not like I’m afraid to loose him. I’ve never really had him. We don’t talk often and we see one another even more inconsistently. I guess it just feels like we’re a couple when we are together and that is where the confusion lies.

So, I figured I needed to come clean on my blog, since I publicly declared here I wasn’t going to do what I did. Apparently I’m not just “all girly,” I’m also a liar!

 

 

 

 

I have the mind of a 12 year old boy April 15, 2008

A few weekends ago when B and I went shopping for his “leggings,” we went to the newly opened Dick’s Sporting Goods store. It just opened a few weeks ago, and it is huge! It is quite a fantastic place. B and I had a lot of fun there. The gentleman that helped us, told us that Dick’s is the 2nd largest sporting goods store in the nation, and the particular store we were at is the first on the west coast. In that case…welcome to Oregon, Dick’s!

As B and I were approaching Dick’s from the parking lot I started laughing hysterically. There were tears in my eyes, I had to cover my mouth because I’m sure I looked rediculous. And I felt rediculous, because of the immature-ness of what was making me have this giggle fit. But seriously, I am sure I am not the only person who has laughed at this. Outside of this giant store that says “Dick’s” all over it, there are giant cement balls affixed to the ground at the base of the store.  Just the image of this giant Dick’s stretching into the air, with giant balls affixed to the bottom of it makes me laugh now.

Thankfully B has the mind of a 12 year old boy, too! We laughed about it for a good 15 minutes!

I need a title for this blog April 15, 2008

I don’t like the one i have, because as it turns out, it’s not all about the fact that I am single. It’s also about the munchkin and the crazy, stupid stuff I do on a daily basis.

You guys know me…any suggestions? I need help!!!

To the woman who glared at me in Starbucks… April 11, 2008

Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you for saving me from a day full of embarrassment.

Yesterday I had the the most embarrassing moment that I have had since throwing up on a cute boys locker in middle school. I picked up C from his dad’s early yesterday morning. We had some time to spare, so we stopped by Starbucks for some breakfast (and coffee of course!) C and I walked through the door, and there is a woman standing to left, who as I walk by stares at my midsection. She had this complete look of disgust on her face, like there was poo smeared all over me or something. At first I didn’t really think much about it. When C and I got in line though, I happened to look down at the area that she was staring at because, who knows, maybe I did get poo smeared on me somehow.

OH.MY.GAWD…It was worse than poo. It was my hip fat, exposed for all of the world to see. Conveniently, and so attractively, separated into 2 lovely blobs of blubber by the string of my underwear. Somewhere between zipping up my skirt and walking into Starbucks, the zipper of my side-zip skirt had somehow broken.  The skirt was still connected at the top, but all 8 inches of the zipper had separated for all of the world to see.

All I have to say is thank you to the fashion industry for adding the extra few inches you have been recently to the bottom of tunics. It really saves the day if your zipper happened to break while you are going about your morning! And to the woman who glared at me…I’m sorry if I traumatized you for the rest of the day. I can’t imagine that was a pretty thing to see before you’ve even had your coffee…send me the bill if you need therapy!

Or maybe not that weird… April 8, 2008

B called me Friday. He has been busy…blah blah blah. Not intentially leaving me to believe that telling him I missed him was weird and I had annoyed him, just too busy to send a text saying “no.” Whatever…I think he has technology issues. Like, sometimes he forgets it exists.

In spite of his technology issues, we somehow managed to connect enough on Saturday to realize that we were both free that evening and wanted to hang out with one another. It was somewhat miraculous. We had a great time, as we always do. Sunday we went to the bagel place that we’ve now been to 3 times. If this thing with B doesn’t work out I may not be able to go to the bagel place anymore, because it will remind me of him. Which sucks, because they have awesome bagels! After bagel eating, we went to the mall because B needed to buy some things. On his list were:

• Work shoes, brown
• Work shirts
• Funny long john-ish pants to wear while rafting

I didn’t understand at all what he was trying to describe about the rafting pants until we got to the sporting goods store and the salesman who was SO excited to help us led us to a rack of leggings. Now, technically they weren’t the same leggings the crazy women’s fashion industry has recently brought back from the 80’s, but they looked a hellofalot like that. Minus the lace at the bottom. Adding a “wicking” feature, something I learned a lot about yesterday.

We had fun shopping for his leggings. And he didn’t mind me calling them leggings, and I really appreciated that. Some men who weren’t so secure in their manhood would have had a problem with me calling their “protective rafting pants” leggings 50 or so times in an hour. But not B…he laughed too. And even called them his leggings once or twice. That right there is a good sign!

We also had fun in the mens shoe department. As it turns out we have similar taste in mens shoes. Which is another good sign.  However we don’t have the same taste in womens shoes…but that’s okay because I don’t wear cute shoes for men to enjoy. I wear them for other women to enjoy.

So, now it’s back to the same B-boat…casual dating. Not knowing (nor asking) what he is thinking because it’s just too damn fun when we’re together to weigh it down with that conversation. So I have decided to do something I never do in dating…just go with it. I’m not going to try to label it something, or put a reason behind everything or stress over it. It is fun, gosh darnit, and I don’t want that to change!

Madness, I tell you! Madness! April 8, 2008

What a crazy day. A crazy Monday. Why is it that Mondays are so, terribly insane? I really don’t understand why this one particular day of the week gets a whole weeks worth of madness thrown into it.

I have about 15 projects on my plate, one of which is a huge scheduling project. Which is actually really fun, but kind of overwhelming at the same time. I like the challenge in it. Anyhow…I figured it all out and started typing out my report on how it was going to work. Only to realize that I already had a draft of the report saved, and all I had to do was update the original draft. If today wasn’t Monday…I would have so been on top of that.

So…because of all of the Monday Madness, I thought I would share something funny with you. You may have already seen it, but it is still funny. I have seen it probably close to 20 times now and it always makes me giggle.

http://www.makememinimal.com/2008/instrucciones-para-cuidar-un-bebe/

SO SO FUNNY! Where was this when C was a baby? I think that I could have saved us both a lot of trips to the emergency room if I would have had this handy chart around!

Enjoy!

Hopscotch in Heels April 4, 2008

Last night I picked up C from the babysitter, and he “wanted to do something fun.” According to him, we never do anything fun.  I asked him what fun thing he’d like to do, and he said he wanted to go to the playground at his school. Now, I thought this was a bit silly as he’s there 5 days a week. But who am I to tell him what is fun and what is not fun…

I drove us to the school, and we made our way back to the playground, me armed with a book I just got sucked into. (Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs…I’m only halfway through, but it’s great, read it if you haven’t yet!) C played wallball with another kid for a bit, then he had to leave. Once he left C asked if I wanted to go on the swings with him. I decided that, sure, I could go for some swinging. I was still in my work clothes…but swinging is one of those great activities you can do while wearing most anything.

I forgot how freeing swinging is. As I was soaring back and forth with my son by myside I felt amazing. C and I talked about all kinds of things while flying through the air. I actually giggled at one point. I felt child-like again. It was an amazing feeling.

C finally got bored of swinging and asked if I wanted to hopscotch with him. Feeling all liberated and juvenille from the swings, I readily agreed. He found a suitable stick to use, and I let him go first. Now, his rules were a little different than the ones I remembered, so he had to explain them to me. So, then it is my turn. I toss the stick and it amazingly lands 5 squares down. Woo-hoo!!! Not too shabby for my first throw! Then it’s time to jump. And I panick. And don’t move.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a huge klutz. I often have bruises from walking into walls. Bruises I don’t know where they came from. I’ll trip over thin air. But now…now I’m playing hopscotch in 3 and half inch stilletos. A thought that never crossed my mind until the very second I was about to jump.  

But I did it! I jumped…and I played the entire game. I am positive that I looked like the biggest moron in the world….but I did it. And I didn’t complain about it once. Because C and I were having fun.

You better bet it won’t happen again though! My feet ached like crazy afterwards!

 

A work in progress… April 3, 2008

I have no idea what I actually want the title of this blog to be. So if it changes day to day, pay no attention. It’s just me being indecisive. Hopefully something will strike me in the next few days, or weeks.

Apparently it is weird… April 3, 2008

I’ve been casually dating a man we’ll call B for almost two months now. We’ll see each-other once to three times a week, talk occasionally on the phone and email back and forth. We haven’t talked about committing to one another or taking our relationship to the next level….the exclusive level. We have a lot of fun we are together, and get along splendidly. There is enough of a spark that I know he’s not just interested in me as a pal, but I don’t know how far beyond casually dating he wants to take things. Right now we haven’t seen one another in a week. And a day. To be exact…

 Last night we were texting back and forth. The weather has been gorgeous Spring time weather, and we are chatting about how beautiful it is, and what we were up to, etc… I said “It sounds like a great night. Is it weird for me to say that I miss you?”

 I’m a believer that silence speaks very loudly. And I haven’t heard a thing from him since. Craaaapppppp…

Bee Sting! April 2, 2008

It’s too funny to hurt.

 I just got a call from a 5th grade teacher at C’s school. At first I was confused, because C is only in 2nd grade. Then he explained to me that he had just had to give C a Bee Sting. Now, it’s not nearly as wicked as it sounds. It’s like a written warning, called something cute to make it less painful than “You’re bad and need to be punished!”

 Apparently this teacher saw C and two other boys running through the pod (read: niche off the hallway) that his class is in. He stepped out of the room to tell them to stop running, and they ran into the bathroom. So he follows the boys in there, to find them all surrounding one urinal, hunched together. At this point my heart races a million miles an hour not wanting to hear what this teacher found them doing. To my relief, it was nothing like that. They had all raced to the urinal and were trying to push one another out of the way, so each could be the first to go to the bathroom. The teacher gave them a lecture on running in the halls and shoving in the bathroom. “Not only were they surrounded by porcelain and tile,” he tells me,”but they could have fallen and gotten all germy!” Like cracking your head open on a urinal isn’t as mortifying as getting “germy?!?”

It was incredibly hard to not start laughing after he said the part about them getting “germy!” So we hung up with my agreeing to have a conversation with C tonight about the importance of bathroom safety. How am I not going to laugh through this?!? It’s times like this that I really don’t think I have what it takes to be a good parent. Is it wrong for me to want to ask C who won?

And how in the world am I going to come up with an appropriate punishment for putting another kid in danger of getting germy?

So what? I like the smut! April 1, 2008

Not that smut. Well….thatsmut has it’s place. The smut I am referring to is of the celebrity variety. The gossip, the dish, the dirt. The celebrity smut.

 Since the beginning of the year I’ve been frequenting a specific dating website in an effort to wrangle a man into marrying me before I’m 80. Under the part of a man’s profile that asks what he is looking for in a woman, you would be surprised at how many list, “Must not be interested in gossiping about Britney and Lindsay!” WHAT?!? You’re not surprised by that?!? Well. I was. I love the smut. I really, truly do. I like trying to figure out which gossip is made up and which may be based on some sort of fact. I like the fact that it makes my life seem somewhat “normal”… and I use that word loosely. And I like the escapism it provides me. When I open up a new, juicy, smut filled magazine I am no longer a single, 28 year old mother who lives in a modest apartment in the suburbs and works a 9-5. I am a glitzy, young, beautiful celebrity with nothing better to do that show up to parties and get paid $100 grand to be there and to make out with Josh Duhmel. (Yes, I know he is dating Fergie. But this is my fantasy. I can make out with whoever I want!)

 Just because I love the smut, does not mean that I am an idiot. It does not mean that I have no idea what is going on in the real world, that I have screwed up priorities or that I cannot carry on an intelligent conversation. Because, Mr. High and Mighty, I can! And I can probably kick your ass at Jeopardy! too! Ha…so there!