Honesty is for the Birds August 29, 2008

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I prefer to be lied to or to lie. There is that fantastic little gray area though, I like to call it the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

Back in June when B sent me this email about his “friend” coming into town, I was a little taken aback by his honesty. A little pissed, but also a little impressed. I’ve never really dated a man who was mature enough to be completely honest about what he was feeling and what he was up to (wow…and why am I still single?!?) I still wish he wouldn’t have told me about it. But hey…thankfully I ended up in Vegas that weekend anyway and had some fun of my own. I still thought of him though, and wondered what he and his “friend” were up to.

So now with X coming into town tomorrow, I faced the moral dilemma of telling B. As much as I knew I’d rather have not known, he kinda set the standard. And the bitchy part of me thought it may do him some good to know how NOT good it felt to be told the truth. So I told him Wednesday. On the phone. And it was really awkward and uncomfortable.

Yesterday I emailed him saying that our conversation ended uncomfortably and asked if we were okay. I told him that I wasn’t sure what, if anything, would happen with X because we haven’t seen eachother in so long. I also decided to go over and above being honest about the situation, but about my feelings for him as well. I told him that he knows all he has to do is say the word and I’m his. That I would much prefer being with him over X, or anyone for that matter, but until he is ready to committ he can’t expect me to be exclusive. I reiterated to him that I will never push him into something he isn’t ready for but I can’t just sit around and wait for him to decide he is ready for a relationship. Because my gawd, what if that time comes and he decides its not even me that he wants to be in a relationship with! Wouldn’t I feel like a jack ass?

He sent me back a very sweet, very B-like email. He detailed all of the things he loves about me, and how happy that I make him. But then said that basically he’s too chickenshit to get into another relationship yet. He understands me not sitting around and waiting for him, and that he hopes that we can still continue with whatever this fucked up relationship is that we have (I’m paraphrasing now.) And because he probably knows that it kills me when he is so sweet, he told me to have a great weekend with my friend. Asshole.

I thought that I’d feel better about being honest, I don’t. I would have felt a lot better about knowing that B had no idea what I was up to this weekend. I still wonder what exactly happened when his friend was in town. I try to tell myself that they went sight seeing and out to see a few shows, and there wasn’t a spark. I care for him enough to not want him to have to do all of the wondering I have done.

An Ode to my BFF on our 20 Year Anniversary August 29, 2008

19 years and 360 days ago I met my best friend Quinn. Quinn transferred from another elementary school, so on the first day of 3rd grade we met. We were both in Mrs. Wests’ 3rd grade class. I immediately didn’t like her. All of the boys thought she was cute, and all of the girls wanted to be her friend. At that point I was the popular girl (although I’m really not too sure how that had happened) and I felt like with this new girl in town, I was quickly losing my status. It was ironic because she had brown, curly hair like I did. No one had curly hair like I did.

The first few weeks of school we spent one-uping each other in the classroom and on the play ground. We’d compete to see who could get their math worksheets in the quickest. We’d both throw our hands up in the air to answer the questions Mrs. West would ask. On the play ground we’d walk around bragging about what Barbies we had and how many times we’d been to Disneyland (which we both lied about!)

I think it was only two or three weeks into the school year that we gave up hating eachother and became BFF’s. That’s Best Friends Forever. Little did I realize that when we started saying “forever” that it really would be. I had no idea what an amazing friendship was in store for us. It wasn’t long before Quinn and her sister Carly, and my sister and I were joined at the preverbial hip. To this day I still think of Quinn’s family as an extension of mine.

Although Q and I have had periods of time in the past where we have not had a lot of contact, I still consider her my best friend. She has been around for every part of my life. She is the reason I live in Portland. She was with me when I bought my pregnancy test, and right outside the door when I was peeing on the stick. I made her not look at me when I came out of the bathroom, because I knew she’d see the answer in my face. She was there when I told Matt he was going to be a daddy. In fact, I think she may have even put some sappy music on!

Quinn has been in a constant in my life, a comfort. Someone who I know I can always count on, no matter where I am or what I have done. She is a part of all of my childhood memories, and behind almost every inside joke I know. Aside from my sister, Quinn knows more about me than any other person and yet she still loves me! After spending any amount of time with Quinn, my heart is full and my face muscles hurt from laughing.

Quinnie, thank you for making these last twenty years so incredibly fun! I love you so much, and am so grateful to have had you in my life for so long. I look forward to another 70 years of good times! Happy 20 year anniversary!

Love you!

Quinn and me in 3rd Grade (1988)

Quinn and me, we’ve always had totally radical style (1990)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quinn and me at my birthday party in January

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quinn and my “other” sister, Carly

He may look like his dad, but he’s all me! August 28, 2008

Well, I guess not all me. He does have some of his dad’s qualities, but sometimes the qualities that C has picked up from me just shine through. For example, his over the top graciousness when he gets something he wants.

My roommate Darryl is working over by C’s sitter today, and offered to pick up C when he was off of work so I wouldn’t have to drive an extra 10 miles out of my way. I wanted to run it past C first to make sure he was okay with that. So I called C, and this was his response, “Oh yes. Yes, please! That would be just great!” I could hear the smile on his face.

I felt like I was talking to a 40-something sales lady at Macy’s, not my 8 year old boy. I laughed, to which of course C wanted to know what I was laughing about. I could only reply, “You are so funny, my little man. I love you so, so, so much!”

This picture is kind of old, but I love it. It was taken last October at Leann’s daughters birthday party. The cocked head, the wide eyes, the slight bit of attitude that he’s projecting. Man, I love this boy. I cannot believe he is going into 3rd grade. Where o where does the time go?

Nothin’, But a Good Time! August 28, 2008

So last night I called the Ex (his name starts with B too, so we’ll just call him X) to see when to expect him on Saturday morning. He was 1) shocked that I had actually called because I much prefer to text, and 2) glad that I called because he had a question for me. A co-worker of his had been given free tickets to Poison! X said, “Now, I don’t know if this is something you’d be interested in, but I can get tickets to the Poison…” that’s where I interrupted and started screaming, “YES! YES! YES!” I think he was a little shocked by my overwhelming excitement. He said the tickets aren’t fabulous, but still…it’s BRET MICHAELS! I don’t think the amphitheater is that big, so it will be fine.

 

 

 

 

 

I need to give a big shout out (do the kids still say that these days?) to Tiffany at My Random Wisdom for giving me a heads up that Poison was even touring. Damn Rock of Love (1& 2) has led me to develop a very strange crush on Bret Michaels that I really don’t even understand. I love to make fun of him, but at the same time totally want to jump his bones. Even though he’s a total man whore. Dirty hot. Speaking of dirty hot, I’m seeing Kid Rock in a few weeks. Mmm…now he’s dirty hot. The ultimate bad boy that you know would be so much trouble, but so.much.fun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Edited to add…does anyone else notice how abnormally high centered Kid’s belly button is??? Hu.

I get so emotional, baby August 27, 2008

I love it when I can use a song lyric as the title of a post! Ahh…it’s gonna be a good day.

I don’t know what the fuck is up with me. I have been so crazy emotional lately. I may be ovulating. You’re probably tired of reading about my menstrual cycle, ya? Show of hands…no one? Okay, I’ll continue then.

Last night on my way home from work I heard the song Unwritten, by Natasha Bedingfield. Of course I lost it. Sobbing hysterically as I was driving down the freeway. My friend Terri that passed away in April used to call that song “her song” and it was so fitting. It’s also a very inspirational song, which I’ve been needing a little extra bit of lately.

Last night my roommate Darryl and I were sitting on the back porch and I was having a glass of wine. We were talking about Christian, and I started crying. Realizing that I am so scared that one day he isn’t going to want to live with me anymore.

THEN this morning as I was on my way into work, in a great mood, had just come from a great networking meeting. I turned on an old school Jewel CD (yes, I still listen to CD’s, IPODs scare me) and started bawling again.

I really hope that I can contain myself through out the day. I’m not a pretty crier. I’d rather not cry in front of people.

Ideas appreciated! August 26, 2008

So, my ex is coming to visit. For sure, this weekend. Now what to do with him…

I’m thinking that to alleviate any extreme awkwardness, I should have a lot planned for us to do. That way there is very little time to sit around staring at each other, not knowing what to say. I think I will make a list (I love lists!) of touristy things around town that I haven’t done yet, but have always wanted to. Things like visiting the Pittock Mansion, Multnomah Falls (which I’ve been to, but not recently) and the Portland Classical Chinese Gardens. Then of course there are my fave restaurants and he’ll probably want to do some shopping.

And…if I’m really lucky and things go really well I may be able to talk him into the Poison concert at the State Fair on Saturday! What would you do with an ex for three days?

Keep an eye on me, I may be going crazy! August 25, 2008

(This post is kind of a re-post. Yes, I’ve done this before. But this post has been edited and updated from my old blog, which this was originally posted on a year and a half ago.)

Let’s cut right to the chase, shall we? I invited my ex boyfriend up for the weekend. When I say ex, I mean waaaaaay ex. Like he was the first boy I ever loved. In high school. 10 years ago. He’s 32 now. I haven’t seen him since he was 23 and I was ohh…19?!? Needless to say I’ve changed a bit, and I’m sure he has as well. Well, actually we saw each other briefly at a bar in my home town about 5 years ago. We chatted for a minute, but that was about the extent of it.

He’s not sure if he can come yet. I am very curious. I want to see him and I don’t want to all at the same time. I guess I want to see him, I just don’t want him to see me. I look a lot different than I did at 19, and not for the better! 

Part of it is that I am nervous too. We text occasionally (a lot recently), and talk on the phone sporadically. He makes me nervous. Not in a bad, I think he’s going to harm me way. More of a butterflies in my stomach way. I think of him often. I wonder what it would be like to see him again. Would we still have chemistry? Would I still be attracted to him? Would I still think he is as great as I did back then? Or even better?!? Or would I totally regret inviting him up?

He’s already told me that he’s never been in love with anyone the way that he was in love with me. I can’t say the same, and he knows that. He definitely was the first person I ever truly was in love with. We were both young, but it was love. We broke up when I went away for college and he was immature and couldn’t keep a long distance relationship alive. 

I’m not sure why I can’t stop thinking about him. I wonder if other women have these thoughts about their first love. If so, do they ignore them? Chalk it up to being silly, and push through them? Is it normal to want to see your first love, knowing your both single and knowing what could happen? And beyond normal, is it smart? 

I mean, lets say he does come up this weekend, and there is chemistry, what then? He lives 220 miles away. He runs his dads construction company. I live in Portland and cannot move. What would be the point? 

Yes, I realize this invitation is probably a result of my going through my wanting to be in a relationship phase. I know that. I’m not going to jump into anything, I promise! I’m just so curious. I can’t help but wonder What If. Maybe I had it right at 18? I know the circumstances were not right then, he had a lot of growing up to do. Apparently the world had a bigger plan for me, because now I have my amazing son. I just need to know if there is a reason why I always find myself wondering what he is up to when I don’t know. Is there a reason that ten years later we are both single? I guess we’ll see…

1 out of 2 isn’t bad August 22, 2008

Alright, go me! I made it through last night without deciding I need to talk to B about “us” while drinking tequila. We had a super great time. We made margaritas and sat on the front porch in the tiny patch of sunshine that there was and just talked. I got to hear all about his family beach trip on the east coast, and he got to hear all about my fun times at Jamie’s pool party and the drama that has unfolded this week. He’s a really good listener. I kind of want to fold him up into a teeny tiny ball and keep him in my handbag so I can take him out and talk to him whenever I want, or whenever I need a hug. He’s got a great hug.

After a while, B’s 2 roommates joined us out on the porch and we all sat around telling jokes, drinking margaritas (and daiquiri’s) and having a great time.

Unfortunately…….I decided that it wasn’t necessary to eat dinner because I was full of margaritas. So when B and I were laying in bed and realized we hadn’t eaten, I told him just to bring me back up a bite of whatever he was having. And then I promptly fell asleep.

Needless to say, this morning wasn’t exactly the greatest morning of my life. But I got to wake up to B, and I made it to work on time. I am grateful that I have a desk job. Standing up is not my favorite thing in the world right now.

The Boy is Back in Town August 21, 2008

B has been on vacay with his family since last Friday. He got back into town last night, and tonight we are getting together for margaritas at his house. I have a sneaking suspicion that this is a bad idea for 2 reasons:

1) Tequila+Brooke+Thursday= Hangover on Friday

2) Brooke+Wants a Relationship+B+Tequila= Conversation that should probably not be had under the influence, and/or Brooke’s foot shoved in her mouth.

We shall see….oh this will be fun.

So, this being a last minute plan I am totally not prepared. I am wearing frumpy clothes, and haven’t shaved my legs in 3 days. I thought I was going to have C tonight, but Matt asked if he could have C. Then B asked me if I was free tonight or tomorrow. “Yep, me and the old growth forest that has flourished on my legs,” I felt like saying. But I resisted that appealing fact. If I was to go home before B’s house, it would be like a 2 hour commute. THANKFULLY, Leann was smart enough to suggest that I ask Liz, who lives way close to the office, if I could borrow a razor and her shower. And she said yes. I have great friends. I happen to also have some cute clothes stored at Liz’s house. I’m hoping I have something that matches there. Even if I don’t…at least I’ll have smooth legs!

Figuring it out! August 20, 2008

Okay, I’ve officially made it 24 hours without jumping into a relationship. Yay me! I had an epiphany yesterday though.

I realized yesterday while talking to Leann, that I tend to be in relationships with men are under me. Meaning that the men that I date are safe. They like me more than I like them, and I am settling. It’s self preservation. I suffered my first, and only, heart break when I was 23, and it hurt me more than anything I’ve ever suffered. Here’s the quick recap, which probably won’t be very quick:

Paul was the fiance of our receptionist at my previous office. They became friends with our group of friends, and then a few months later they mutually broke up and Laura moved away. 9 months after Paul and Laura broke up, Paul and I started dating. Apparently he had had a bit of an infatuation with me for quite some time, and I was totally oblivious to it. Immediately we fell in love. Paul was different than any other man I had dated up until then. He was brilliant, he was creative, he was domestic. He played the guitar and sang to me. It was the most amazing experience of my dating life.

And out of the blue, 2 and a half months later, he broke up with me. The excuse was lame. It wasn’t the real reason. The reason no longer matters, it was a mistake we both made. For the first time in my life I understood the meaning of heart break. I felt like I was dying inside. I couldn’t go to work for days. I didn’t stop crying.

Eventually Paul and I started dating again, never completely back to where we were, or exclusive. We just couldn’t stay away from one another. We’d date other people, but always come back to each other. I had no doubt in my mind that he was the man I would marry. That it would all work out at some point. How could I not end up with him? I was confident that he was the man I would spend the rest of my life with. I’d never loved another man so fiercely. I knew I never would again. Paul was it for me. I found my great love.

After 2 years of dating after the break up, I decided I loved myself enough to cut off all connection with Paul. He couldn’t commit, and I was about to be committed if I had to go through any more torture of being with him, but not having him. I deleted his number from my phone, deleted his email address, deleted him as a friend on MySpace. I deleted him out of my life.

That was about 2 years ago. Last September he got married. That day was really hard for me. I spent the day drunk, trying not to think about him but the alcohol didn’t help. I honestly think about him often still. I don’t hurt as much, but sometimes when I hear a song that he used to sing to me I ache a little bit. He is happy, and I am happy for that.

I think Paul broke me. My experiences with him made it so that I don’t want to make myself vulnerable to a man. Since Paul I have dated men that love me more than I love them. That way when the relationship ends, it doesn’t break me again.

So I am ready to throw caution to the wind now. I’m sure it will be a lot more difficult to do, than it is to declare. No more playing it safe. No more dating losers. I know that I deserve to be with someone who I love as much as they love me. But it is truly easier said than done. I will try though!

It’s back… August 19, 2008

Crap! I hate it when this happens. The annual phase of wanting to be in love has returned again. I go through phases in my life, and usually once a year I get the dreaded, heart wrenching, uncontrollable urge to be in a relationship.

For months I’ve been in my Happily Single mode. I’ve got Bryan if I want to go on a date, or hang out with a man. But I also have the freedom to meet other men and the freedom to live my own life as a single girl. No one to answer to, no one to keep tabs on me.

This morning I woke up aching for love. I blame it on the fact that I am pushing myself to get out of this semi-depressed state I have been in for a while. Mostly I think it’s the Twilight book series (I finished the 2nd book last night). They are love stories, the most romantic kind of love. The kind of love that knows absolutely no bounds. Where you would go to the end of the universe and risk your own life without a second thought, for the one you love.

Most days I think that I don’t need a man to make me happy. And I don’t. I have wonderful, amazing friends and family, a son who is more spectacular than I ever imagined a child could be, and a job that I truly enjoy. But then there are days where I’d really like a man to make me happy. Like today.

These phases are scary. I’ve been known once or twice to end up in horribly wrong relationships because I was going through one of these phases. Like the 45 year old widower who I moved in with after 2 weeks. Or the guy that went to Cabo and came back with all kinds of stories about hitting on other women.

I don’t want to make this mistake again this time. It’s hard to be hopefull when I’m so cynical about relationships.

So, my dear internet friends, I ask this favor of you…If I start writing about “the perfect man” I’ve met and he sounds sketchy…he probably is. Tell me to wake the hell up, open my eyes and that I don’t NEED a man, I just WANT one. But if I do meet a man and he does seem really great, feel free to send wedding gifts!

Have I mentioned I’m from HickVille? August 18, 2008

(Before I type this post, I have to mention that I LOVE the town/area I grew up in. There happen to be a lot of rednecks there, and I happen to love them. I’m not dissing my hometown, but anyone who’s ever been there, knows that it is essentially HickVille, USA.)

I was text messaging with my sister this afternoon. This was part of our conversation:

(After a long delay with no response from my sister)

Brandi writes: Sorry, I was on the phone with Dad. He says hi, thanks for calling this weekend. He was worried sick.

Me:Pssh! I talked to him Friday!

Brandi:He’s just playing. I didn’t talk to him either. He must not have been bored.

Me: Yah! Did you know he has a new lady friend?

Brandi: Ya! And did you know we are related to her?!? LOL!

Me:                  (I couldn’t type for a while, I was laughing too hard)

Me: OMG, are you kidding me?

Brandi:She’s umm…Papa Cliff’s (My dads father) brother’s step daughter I think. So only by marriage. But still funny!

And that, ladies and gentleman, is reason 836 why I am from HickVille!

So you don’t think I spooned out my uterus August 15, 2008

I am alive! My reproductive organs are all still intact. Not that I will probably ever use them again.

I’m not feeling incredibly creative right now, so let’s just touch on some random thoughts, shall we?

*My dad has a tendency to make shit up. And an even worse tendency to totally convince my sister and I it’s the truth. She sent me a text this morning saying that Dad said Big & Rich (the country duo) had broken up because “Big” was seriously injured, due to being hit by a drunk driver. That story actually has some truth to it. I googled it and found that Big & Rich are taking a year off, so Rich can work on a solo project, and Big is resting his neck which is a reoccurring injury that acts up when he tours, because he was hit by a drunk driver many years ago. Not exactly how Dad portrayed it though. I think he may have a slight flair for the dramatic.

My dad also convinced me I was a quarter African American. Seriously. Just recently. I still really want to believe, even though I have been told otherwise.

*It’s really freaking hot here this week. It was like 100 degrees yesterday, and is supposed to get up to 104 today. And 100 tomorrow. We don’t have dry heat, so it feels like it’s approximately 874 degrees.

* I just recently discovered I have a girl crush. I fell in love with Chelsea Handler (aka Chelsea Lately) and I kind of feel like we were destined to be friends. I’m not into stalking or anything creepy like that, that’s too time consuming. But I really, really think her and I would get along famously. On my To-Do list…must read her book.  I mean, c’mon…the title already makes me think it’s the best book in the universe. It’s titled, “Are you there Vodka? It’s me, Chelsea!” Genius…

*Speaking of books…I’m totally nerding out on books right now. Leann brought me in New Moon, the 2nd book in the Twilight series. I was planning on spending this entire hotass weekend consuming it, but my great friend Jamie (Hi Jamie! I love you!) invited me over tomorrow for a pool party, complete with something called Watermelon Breeze cocktails which sound absolutely way too heavenly to pass up. Plus, I haven’t hung out with Jamie in way too long. She’s kind of one of my most favorite people. Heart of gold I tell, heart of gold!

*And among other newly developed crushes…Adam Carolla. Funniest man ever.

*Is it wrong that I get my pertinent news updates from Perez Hilton, E!, and www.pinkisthenewblog.com? Ya, I didn’t think so either.

So you know… August 14, 2008

If there is mysteriously never another post on this blog, it is because I have dug my uterus out with a spoon.

Update on B August 13, 2008

For those of you who are wondering…

There actually isn’t much to update on B. Nothing has changed. He hasn’t professed his love (not that I expected him to) nor has he lost touch. We talk almost daily, and see each other a couple of times a week…maybe once a week when we are both busy on the weekends. We still have amazing times together, we still aren’t sleeping together, we still aren’t dating other people. We still are also not a couple, we aren’t exclusive, we aren’t moving in that direction.

And you know, I am totally okay with all of that. Summer is busy for me. Right now I couldn’t deal with a boyfriend. I have a lot going on right now with my friends, and new ventures I am planning out in my head right now.

So, this isn’t much of an update. Just wanted to update you on the happenings of nothing significant!

You’re my obsession, my one obsession… August 13, 2008

Has anyone else been sucked into this book series/phenomenon yet that is Twilight? Twilight is the first book in a series by Stephanie Meyer. My friend Jeanette read it a while ago, and I remember her asking if I had read it. I had not, and had never actually heard of it. She raved about how great it was, but I soon after forgot the name.

The books are about a teenage girl who moves to Forks, Washington from Arizona to live with her father. While attending high school in Forks, she meets and falls in love with a vampire. I know that it sounds cheesy, but it really truly is not. I’m not doing it justice.

Fast forward to about a month ago. Leann got asked to do a volunteer photography shoot at a local bookstore for the book release party for the latest book in the series, Breaking Dawn. I offered to help her out, and was completely surprised at the 300+ Twilight fanatics at this event, most of whom were dressed as their favorite character. The first book is being made into a feature film, as I believe they all will be. The movie was filmed locally, and one of the supporting characters from the movie was at the book release and I got to meet him.

Leann purchased the first two books, and last Saturday I started reading Twighlight. I could not put it down. I spent probably 8 hours reading it on Saturday, and another 4 hours finishing it on Sunday. I hated having to put the book down on Saturday evening to have to go to my friend Corey’s party. Luckily I was able to indulge my new obsession throughout the party, as Corey’s brother in law worked on the special effects for Twilight!

I’m done for. There is no hope. I’m totally completely obsessed already. If Leann doesn’t bring me the second book in the series tomorrow, I’m going to have to go out and buy it.

The Post in Which I Bitch About Being a Woman August 12, 2008

I try not to complain too much here. Well, I try not to complain too much in general. But right now I just have to bitch about the fact that it feels like my uterus is trying to kill me. I have an IUD, which I LOVE. I don’t so much love the fact that once a month, from anywhere between 10 minutes to 2 hours I want to rip out my uterus with my bare hands and feed it to the nearest grizzly bear. During that time frame once a month, I curse mother nature, I curse man-kind, and I curse my parents for the fact that I have a uterus instead of a penis.

If I was at home, I’d pop open a bottle of wine and drink away my cramps. But, unfortunately I don’t think my employers would appreciate that. But my employers are men. So they wouldn’t understand, because they don’t have to deal with it. Aren’t the lucky….grrrrrrrrr……..

Oh Technology… August 11, 2008

Saturday I got a series of 2 unusual text messages. The first text message was something along the lines of, “Welcome to Game Help Online, please call 1-800-etc-etc. for help, a $19.99 monthly fee will be charged to your phone bill.” And the second text message gave me a password.

Now not being 1)online right then, or 2)Having any intrest in video games it didn’t take me more than a minute or 2 to figure out how this had happened. I called Matt immediately, as C was with him. I told him what the messages said, and asked him if C was online. He said that he was, and he would take care of it.

Now, I’m not really upset at Christian for this. It will hopefully be taken care of very easily. But I am a little disturbed that neither Matt nor his fiance was paying attention to what our EIGHT YEAR OLD SON was doing online. That’s all taken care of though. And I am disturbed that all Christian had to do was give them a phone number to subscribe to something! He didn’t even know he was subscribing to something. He didn’t give them a name, email address or anything. Just a ten digit phone number. And I thought it was a smart thing for him to have my number memorized! Ha!

So this morning we are making the now hour long commute to the sitter, and Christian says to me, “Mom, can I have a MySpace page?” What the fuck?!? Are you kidding me? My jaw dropped. I was expecting, “Mom, can i have a new video game?” or “Mom, can I have a piece of gum?” I would have actually been better prepared for, “Mom can I have a spaceship flown by hot pink monkeys?” But a MySpace page?!? I didn’t even think he knew what MySpace was! Apparently I am incredibly naive. I somehow was able to spit out, “WHY?” He told me he wants to play “Mobsters,” which is some new application that’s making its way around MySpace, and that apparently his dad plays.

Oh good lord! Christian asked why he couldn’t have a MySpace, and I told him he was too young. He asked how old he had to be. At that moment I really wanted to tell him 25, but instead told him 15.

Do your kids have a MySpace page? What do you think the appropriate age is?

The Sailors Say Brandi, You’re a Fine Girl… August 8, 2008

My sister is a saint. I could only hope to one day be half as compassionate as my sister is. She is absolutely amazing. She goes out of her way to help others and care for people.

Growing up I always knew that my sister would be an amazing mother. I couldn’t wait for her to have kids, and to be the fun auntie that spoiled my nephews and niece’s rotten. I was going to be a career woman, with either a husband and no children, or a child and no husband. I didn’t want the responsibility of both. (Funny how that has actually worked out!) My sister and I did a lot of babysitting as a team. She was always the one the kids liked. They wanted Brandi to play with them, Brandi to hold them, and Brandi was the one who could comfort them to make them stop crying.

I was 19 when I *oops!* accidentally got pregnant. The standard reaction of my mom’s friends and co-workers when she told them she was going to be a grandmother was, “Oh my gosh! Brandi’s pregnant?” At the time I thought it was wildly hilarious! My sister was a bit of a wild child, and didn’t really play by anyone’s rules. I on the other hand, led people to believe that I was the good girl of the two. I guess in comparison I was the good girl, but I was certainly no angel myself, I just had everyone fooled. Now thinking back on those comments, I believe their comments were because she was the compassionate one. The one of us that everyone knew would be an amazing mother.

So before my sister became a mother, she was an aunt. C and I were fortunate enough to have my sister live with us for the first 2 years of his life. Brandi was more help than I can ever express, and her and C’s bond I think will always be strong because of how close they were in those first 2 years. Even though Brandi has lived over 200 miles away for the last 5 years, Christian still loves his TeeTee something fierce.

Brandi now has two beautiful daughters of her own, and is a (almost) step-mom to four beautiful children whom she treats as if they are of her own body. I lovingly refer to this group of 6 kids as my sister’s 29 kids. She is amazing to these children. She has the patience of a saint, and an overabundance of love.

Lately not only has she been caring for her 29 kids, and babysitting another, she has been taking care of our mother. Last night I got a text from Brandi that she was taking mom back to the ER. After her last hospital stint a few weeks ago, they discovered that my mom was so malnourished that her body was eating itself…muscle and bone. There was no fat left on her body. On top of her sever malnutrition, she was diagnosed with a bleeding ulcer. She is now on a plethora of medications, and a strict diet of protein powder shakes and vitamin supplements. Her stomach is smaller right now than it was after her gastric bypass surgery 7 years ago.

So…the text message from last night. Brandi got a call from mom, who said her feet were swollen, red and tight. That’s not a good sign. Brandi text me around 9:45pm that she was on her way to the ER with mom. I woke up to 2 text messages this morning, one from 11:45pm saying that they were going to do an ultrasound on moms foot, and that they didn’t know anything yet. The next one was from 1:30 am saying that mom has a blood clot and an infection in her leg. The last part of it said, “It sucks to be me right now! Or in the a.m. it will.”

Because this morning she has to go about her normal day. She doesn’t get to call in sick, or take a personal day because she was at the ER with our mom until the wee hours of the morning. She has to just keep going. Because her 5 month daughter will still get up early and need fed. And the other 28 kids will need her too.

I feel incredibly guilty that I can’t be down there to help her out. She has so much on her plate, and she never stops. She is a giver. She is absolutely amazing.

I love you Dahli, and am in awe. You are so much more than I ever could be.

Can’t Say No August 7, 2008

Tuesday night I moved. I moved in with a friend, and have a lot of organizing to do still. All of the essentials are in place…beds, clothes in the closet, etc. But there is still a lot that I want to organize and decorate.

I had nothing planned this weekend. I was going to nest, and enjoy my new home. I was going to spend some time on the back deck reading in the sun and drinking a glass of my favorite wine. I want to lay in my bed and stare at the beautiful blue and tan walls and day dream about tropical vacations. I was going to go through my gazillion articles of clothes and see if there are one or two I can donate.

Somehow in the past 2 days I have made 3 different sets of plans for Saturday night. First off, I decided that my friend Mary and I should go out Saturday night. It will be the end of her first week at her new job, and I’m sure I’ll need a little break after unpacking and organizing. We had so much fun last Saturday night, I thought that we should probably do it again.

Then, my friend Corey who has been one of my best guy friends since sophomore year in high school called me and invited me over Saturday night for a little get together at his place. Actually, he invited Brenda Brekki who is my alter ego and the only name Corey ever calls me. He actually introduces me to people as Brenda. Which makes for a confusing situation when they hear other people call me Brooke!

I was talking to Corey on the phone while I was waiting for my friend Abby to meet me for lunch. While at lunch she invited me to a gallery opening Saturday night where her husband and his (cute) friend are providing the music.

So now my nice relaxing Saturday, has been converted into a hectic evening trying to juggle 3 different social commitments! What the hell. Why do I do this to myself? I know that I will have fun, but I need to relax. I guess there is no rest for the social butterfly.