I Am Ginormica March 30, 2009

This weekend Sushi Boy, his son and I went to the theater and saw Monsters vs. Aliens in 3-D. First off, let me just say, there is nothing quite like a 3-D movie. What a totally awesome cinematic experience. I don’t think I’ve seen a 3-D movie since I saw Michael Jackson’s Captain Eio (spelling?) at DisneyLand 20 years ago. I highly, highly recommend taking your kiddos to see this. Or go even if you don’t have kids!

There is nothing like holding hands with your sweetie at the movie theater to make you feel all giddy and junior high-like again. My heart would pitter patter every time Sushi Boy looked over at me and smiled, or squeezed my hand a little bit tighter.

And then, true to junior high form, I was reminded of how abnormally tall I am.

I am almost 6 feet tall (last time I measured myself it said 5′10, but I just don’t buy the fact that I’ve shrunk an inch and a half in 8 years!) I was around 5′8 in the sixth grade, and my current height by the time I was in eighth grade. Needless to say, junior high dances were not a lot of fun for the girl who towered over everyone, including most of the teachers. There were those few boys who realised their head hit my chest level when we slow danced, but unfortunately for them, that area didn’t hit its growth spurt until after I had my son!

Being so abnormally tall at such a young age made for a very awkward adolecense. I was fortunate to have a lot of great friends, but was still the girl who never got to date the popular guy who she had a huge crush on.

In Monsters vs. Aliens, one of the characters has an incident that transforms her into a giant. Literally. Her name is taken from her, and the government decides a more appropriate name for her is Ginormica.

Ouch. That brings back painful memories. The bullies on my bus called me Moose. I was never extremely obese, just tall and not a stick figure. This one jerk in particular, Donny Smith, was relentless. I hated him so much. He made every afternoons bus ride torture for me. I wanted so badly to just be short, and to not have the uncontrollable amount of curly brown hair that topped my head.

At one point in the movie, Ginormica finds her fiance from before she morphed into a giant, and has to set him atop a building to talk to him face to face. Sushi Boy looked over at me and whispered, “That’s what it is like dating you!” I laughed and smiled.

I’m so happy to be an adult and comfortable with who I am. So happy to be able to laugh at the height difference between Sushi Boy and myself, and then go and put on 3 inch heels.

I realise now that Donny Smith was probably just as miserable as I was during junior high. I’m sure he had someone picking on him about something he had no control over.

This movie was a great reminder for me. It reminded me that my son is going to start dealing with things in school that seem like the end of the world, and things that make you miserable. But dealing with those things is what is going to mold the man he one day will be.

I am a better person for all of that teasing. I could care less what people think about me, and I am proud to be an incredibly tall woman. I love slipping on a pair of heels and towering over a crowd. It truly is a gift, and I hope that someday my son will appreciate his differences and embrace his uniqueness.

And I will continue to protect the world from aliens with my giantness. Or, just helping reach things on the top shelf!

DreamWeaver March 25, 2009

So, my girl Tiff at myrandomwisdom.blogspot.com* tagged me. I like to refer to Tiff as Tiff, even though her name is Tiffany, and act like we’re old school BFF’s. She plays along with the faux intimacy, even though I’m sure she is sitting at her computer thinking, “Damn, this girl is loo-py!”

So Tiff tagged me, and I am suppossed to list 7 of my dream jobs. I happen to have just gotten a job doing what I love, for a cause I love, (read: dream job!) but I will play along, because its good to have dreams.

1) Haute Couture Fashion Designer
I want to design the crazy clothes that the trendy clothes are derived from. I’d love to be an Alexander McQueen, Roberto Cavalli, or Vera Wang. To see the world wearing what came out of my imagination would be simply devine!

2) Martha Stewart
Yes, I would love to be Martha Stewart. To have the organization that woman does, and the creativity. Wow…its a good thing!

3) Fashion Stylist
I judge people, I’ll be honest. I think a lot more people than we like to admit are judging others based on what they are wearing. I don’t let it determine what I think of that person ultimately, but I do it. I also know that I am not always the best representation of style, but I’m aware of it. I think that when a person is dressed up, and pulled together, it can really do a lot for their self-esteem. I’d like to help in that way.

4) Writer
This is something I’m working on. I have a lot of great ideas, but get impatient trying to get them all down. I feel like a need a cabin in the woods and a type writer and a month of solitude in order to get a good run at it. Wait, that sounds like Misery, and that didn’t end well…

5) Owner of a Women’s Adult Store
I still really want to make this happen. Now, I hope this doesn’t leave you with the wrong impression of me, but I’ve been to a few adult toy stores in my days. I’m sure you all find that shocking! All of the ones around here are mostly creepy. There are inevitabley creepy men that follow you around the store, those booths that God Knows What happens in, and always some super cheerful man just waiting to show you how the latest and greatest works. I want to buy my adult products in a boutique. Sex is not taboo, I don’t want to have to go to a taboo place. I want a beautiful store, with gorgeous carpets than run no risk of getting jizzed on, and kind, friendly women sales associates who are knowledgeable and helpful without the creepy overtone. Is that too much to ask for? (I know your with me on this one Cape Cod Gal!)

6) Own a Clothing Boutique
A great little intimate place, with a zebra print chaise lounge. I’ve just always imagined it that way! And a kind sales associate that offers you an endless glass of champagne.

7) Own and run a Funky Coffee Shop
A place with a lot of color and inspiration. Fun music like disco, and that serves cupcakes with blue frosting.

Instead of tagging you, my favorite reader, I just want you to tell me what one of your dream jobs would be!

*Please excuse the lack of link, I’m blogging from my CrackBerry while watching Cars with my son. But check out Tiff, she’s a great gal!

Let’s Talk About Sex March 25, 2009

There comes a time in most peoples lives where an inevitable, akward conversation must be had with their parents.

The Sex Talk.

My son doesn’t know it yet, but the clock is counting down, and his akward sex conversation is quickly approaching.

Last night, the C-Men and I were getting ready to play the Family Fued DVD game I bought for a Christmas exchange and decided to keep. Christian asked if I was ready to play, and while concentrating on not burning myself I said, “Let me do the fire first.” Meaning, start a fire.

Well the C-Men thought this was hilarious, and when I finally pryed it out of them, they said that it was funny because I was going to DO the fire. “You know, like S-E-X! Duh!”

Well. If my son is old enough to be spouting out the sexual innuendos, he is old enough for the sex talk. He knows that a moms vagina and a dads penis somehow magically make a baby by a process commonly called sex. But that’s about it. As far as his dad and I have told him anyway.

When did you have The Talk with your kids? Or when do you plan on it? I think I was in 3rd grade when my mom tried to have the talk with me, but I told her I already knew everything. My 2nd grade best friend Allison had already filled me in.

Spring, Glorious Spring! March 22, 2009

I can’t tell you happy I am that Spring has arrived. Even though in Oregon it means probably another 6 weeks of rain, just knowing that it is Spring makes me happy. It puts a little hop in my step!

I’m so excited to see the flowers bloom and feeling the warm sun on my face. What is your favorite Springtime thing?

Uh Oh! Don’t Drink The Water! March 20, 2009

Its that time again!

Its baby time! Every 18 months or so a trend hits my circle of friends that I call Baby Fever. For 2 to 3 months, my friends have babies, decide to have babies or find out they are having a baby. And everytime it makes my overies ache a little bit.

Right now my 3 of my best friends are pregnant (hurray to my dear friends Jenny and Jeanette who are newly pregnant!), my ex just had a baby, Sushi Boy’s ex just had his baby and a wonderful friend of mine is trying to be a surrogate for friends of ours who are unable to concieve on their own.

I loved being pregnant. Certain aspects, like an ass the size of Texas, were unfavorable. But I have never felt more purposeful and empowered than I did when I was pregnant. I loved it.

Sometimes when Baby Fever hits and my uterus threatens to curl up and die if I don’t put a fetus in it RIGHT NOW I think about getting pregnant. And then, it never fails, I see that kid. You know that kid. The one with snot running down his face, screaming and crying and throwing himself on the ground because he, “WANTS CANDY NOW!” Or the two boys who were running around the pizza parlor last night climbing on counters and yelling and screaming, “Only I can do that because its MY BIRTHDAY!”

So, thank you to the shitty parents last night at Godfathers Pizza. By not teaching your children manners and by not having a care in the world about the other people, you squeltched my Baby Fever this time around. Can we meet up again in say, 18 months?

Hope March 19, 2009

I have always been a firm believer in “Things Happen For A Reason” and “What Doesn’t Kill Us Makes Us Stronger” and multiple other optimistic mantras.  But the past 6-12 months have been very trying for me, and many times I have lost sight of my Big Picture (interpret how you will.) It took an act of God to put me back in the right mindset. Literally.

Growing up, my family was not what you would call a Religious Family. My sister and I went to church on occasion with friends, our babysitter and her family, and my aunt who later grew up to be a pastor. As I grew older and entered my teen years, the church visits decreased quite a bit. As I came into my own, and started my life as an “adult” I did a lot of soul searching on religion, and God. I came to the conclusion it all sounded like a bunch of hocus pocus. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for loving one another and doing good deeds and helping man kind. I’m certainly not a satan worshiper or a member of a cult. But the whole, “On Day Whatever, God Created Whatever”…well, I just couldn’t buy into that.

I’ve written before about discussing religion with my son, especially the newness of it since discovering our beliefs lie within different camps. I’ve written that I have a desire to believe in a higher power, but am a ”got to see it to believe it” kinda gal.

Well folks. I saw it. By “it” I don’t mean I saw God, or Buddah, or whoever the Great Being in the Heavens is. I didn’t have a vision. I didn’t see the light. But about a month ago, when my world was falling apart and I felt more helpless than I have ever felt in my life, when I couldn’t even hold myself up because every ounce of energy I had in me was coming out in the form of tears, I prayed. My prayer was not directed to any one being or entity or ideal. I just put it out there for anyone, if anyone was listening, to pick up. I prayed for help, and for strenth and for hope.  And in a matter of days, things were looking up. Within a week they had improved, and a month later not only are the not as equally bad as they were that day when I felt I could do nothing, they are 500 gazillion times better.

I could spend hours thinking about what would have happened had I not asked for help, and if that had anything to do with what has improved since that day in the bathtub when I felt helpless. But why should I? Things are awesome now, not perfect, but pretty damn good. And if there is a chance that there is some kind of super awesome higher power that I haven’t totally offended already in my short life, and it is willing to help me out…well then, A-Freakin’-Men! Hope is a something that I have been loosing little by little in the past decade or so. It feels good to have a bit of that back in my heart.

My Baby Is A Big Brother March 18, 2009

Christian’s baby brother was born yesterday, via C-Section. Arden Matthias was 7 lbs 2 oz and 19 inches long. He is so tiny compared to Christian who weighed in at 9lbs 6oz and was almost 22 inches long! Both mother and baby are in great shape.

Christian said his brother is “pretty cool” which is a better reaction thani thought we would get. He has not been eagerly anticipating his brothers arrival!

Do You Have A Business Womans Special? March 14, 2009

So, that job I wrote about? Ya, its going to kick major butt! Something I’ve wanted to do since high school? Why yes, yes it is! A business that I believe in 110%? Absofreakinlutely!

I have been chosen to join the sales and marketing team for Single Parent Magazine & www.iHeartSingleParents.com! (Follow the links on the right column of my page.) Single Parent Magazine just published their first (AMAZING) issue, and is the first magazine of its kind, aimed specifically at single parents. The idea started with two fabulous single mothers from Portland who went searching for resources and support for single parents and came up with nothing! I myself had that same experience 4 years before.

Out of their brilliant minds, www.iHeartSingleParents.com was born. Through the power of networking, I found out about the site. Instantly I was in love! The world needed this! I needed this! The members of the site were warm, welcoming, and most importantly…uplifting! They weren’t wallowing in self-pity, they were thriving and enjoying their lives, just like I was! I felt home.

Within a few weeks I started talking to Sushi Boy through iHeart, and knew after our first phone conversation that I was in big trouble! I was thrown off a bit, because I hadn’t joined iHeart to meet men I was romantically interested in. But man oh man had he sparked my interest!

iHeart has continued to be a great source of information and support. It is so nice to know that you are not alone in your journey as a single parent, and that you are not the only single parent who is making lemonade out of the lemons life has handed you. (And may I suggest adding a touch of Raspberry Smirnoff to that lemonade for a nice springtime cocktail? Yes? Okay then, that’s what I suggest!)

So…imagine my complete delight when I get an email last week announcing that iHeart and Single Parent Magazine is hiring! “Ohmygosh! Ohmygosh! Ohmygosh!,” starts going through my brain as I’m jumping up and down in my head with excitement! I was unfortunately in the middle of taking mom to rehab and didn’t have the time to email my resume and letter of interest. I was able to do that Tuesday morning, I heard back on Wednesday and interviewed on Thursday! Thursday evening I was offered a job!

On my way to the interview I was talking to my sister and she said, “You don’t sound nervous at all! Why aren’t you nervous?” I told her that, “No, I’m not really that nervous. I’m more excited than anything! I want this job so badly that I think I’ve shut my nerves off. How cool is that???”

The interview was fun! I’ve never come out of an interview thinking what a fun time I had just had. I’m not saying that it wasn’t a professional interview, because it most certainly was. I just so thoroughly enjoyed talking to the women who interviewed me, and the other lovely lady who was being interviewed at the same time as me. In that interview I felt a passion and sense of direction that I haven’t felt in a very long time. “This is what I am meant to be doing,” I left the interview thinking. I felt like sunshine was streaming through every pore in my body. I knew that even if I didn’t get one of the positions they were hiring for, I knew my professional purpose. I knew what was going to make me happy. (But I did really hope I got THAT job! Obviously single parents are near and dear to my heart!)

And so folks, that’s what I get to do. I cannot even begin to explain how excited I am to wake up in the morning and know that I get to work for this awesome organization! I get to represent this wonderful idea, and help spread the good word of amazing Single Parents everywhere!

Oh! And if anyone can tell me what movie the title quote is from, I’ll love you a little bit more than the other readers.

My Heart Is Singing March 13, 2009

I got a job! An amazing job that I am going to love!!! I just found out yesterday. More details to follow!!!

In The Light Of Day March 11, 2009

This morning my outlook is a little better. Well, a little less bitchy I should say.

Thank you Tiffany for pointing out that Baby Mama is probably dealing with crazy hormones right now. Pregnancy, childbirth, and having a newborn affect every woman differently. I am very fortunate to be an eternal optimist. I loved being pregnant and was on top of the world after having Christian. I never had to deal with postpardom depression, and couldn’t wait for everyone to meet my bundle of joy. I didn’t stop to think that not everyone has my outlook, and took what Baby Mama said as a personal attack on me, which hurt because we had gotten along so well before Ellie was born.

This morning, more than anything, I am mad at myself. Instead of comiserating with Sushi Boy and supporting him, I made him feel worse. All he wants to do is jump through the hoops that Baby Mama has set up in order to bond with his baby girl. There are other people in his life who want what I want, to meet Ellie, and none of them are being the asshole I have been. I wish that I could turn back time and take those words back, but we all know that is not how life works.

I hope that he can forgive me for being the baby in this situation.

Should Have Known Better! March 10, 2009

I should have realized that this whole “my boyfriends having a baby with his ex girlfriend” thing would be harder than I anticipated.

I said somethings to Sushi Boy today that were uncalled for. I was not a good supporive girlfriend. This is hard on him, and I need to be his rock. And I pretty much shit on him today.

I got angry. Not at him, but at the situation. I feel left out of this new, amazing part of his life. I have still not gotten to meet his daughter. Baby Mama is afraid I’m going to try to take over the mom role. Today he brought up to her that I, and the rest of his family, are anxiously awaiting our chance to meet Ellie. And you know what she said? “Brooke can birth her own baby!” What the fuck?!? I didn’t ask to take her baby for a week. I didn’t say I want Ellie to call me Mom. I didn’t even ask if I could rock her to sleep! I just want to meet the little princess who has made my man so happy!

I understand Baby Mama’s fears. I was freaked out when my ex’s fiance came into Christians life. I know the worry that another woman will never be able to comfort your child the way you do, and will never be able to love your child with the passion that you do. I get that, I totally do! But unfortunatley these are the circumstances that we are all in. And all I want to do is meet her!!!

I think adding insult to injury is the fact that my ex’s fiance is pregnant and due next week. While I am in n way whatsoever jealous, I think what it boils down to is I feel left out. All of the important men in my life are getting new babies in theirs. My little man is going to be a big brother! My boyfriend is a new daddy. Sushi Boys son is a new brother. My ex is going to be a daddy again. And I’m just on the sidelines for all of it.

After typing all of that, I sound like a big selfish bitch. But fuck it, this is my blog and this is how I feel. If I can’t tell strangers on the Internet my crazy thoughts, who can I tell?

Why, oh why, is there not a self help book titled, “How To Deal When Your Boyfriends Ex-Girlfriend Has Their Baby?” Why is their not an etiquette guide for this? How do I find myself in all of these uncharted waters? I know other people go through these things, but nobody I know does!

So what do you think, dear readers…am I off my rocker? Do I just need to suck it up and roll with the punches? Or am I justified in feeling a little left out and hurt?

What A Milestone Day March 9, 2009

This is my 200th blog. A lot of bloggers use their “milestone” posts to compile lists of random facts about themselves, or outline goals. I didn’t do anything special with my 100th blog. In fact, I’d never really paid attention to it. I just happened to realize that I had posted 199 posts when I logged in today. This post will not be dedicated to me or random experiences I have had. Today one of the biggest milestones in my life took place. And that is what this 200th post is about.

Today my sister and I put my mom into rehab. I’ve tried to avoid speaking about my moms issues, not just here but in all aspects of my life. I’ve done it out of respect for her privacy, but mostly because if I talk about it, I have to feel the hurt and the devastation. I have to acknowledge that her problems and her addictions have hurt me, and impacted me in substantial ways. I have to admit that I’m not as strong and as unaffected as I pretend to be. I have to admit that deep inside there is a scared little girl who just wants her mom to hold her and tell her everything will be okay, not the other way around.

My mom has taken the first step today towards overcoming her problem. I am so proud of her. It seems so surreal. I have wanted this day for so many years, it is hard to believe this isn’t a dream. I’m scared to close my eyes, in fear that the next time I open them I will wake myself up.

I came to terms years ago that my mom was probably not going to live to see my son graduate high school. I admitted to myself that if I ever got married, she probably wouldn’t be there. I prepared my heart for her death. I thought that if I gradually came to terms with it, it wouldn’t be quite so earth shattering when the inevitable happened. She was in so deep, and so so dark that I lost hope. I had already started the grieving process. In my heart, my mom had died. MY mom, the woman who raised me died years ago. What was left of my mother was only an empty shell of the warm, full of life and sass mother that I used to know. It was heart breaking, no matter how much I tried to deny that it wasn’t.

This last week I started to see glimpses of that woman who lived life again. She was smiling and dancing and laughing! Genuinely. She’s got a long road ahead of her, and it is with much apprehension that I say that I think she is on her way. I think that and hope with all of my heart that MY mom is still alive somewhere in that shell. She has experienced something far worse than an eternity in hell, but I think she can do this. I need her to do this. I can’t loose her again so soon.

Only 18 Hours Left March 8, 2009

18 hours left and I release my responsibility for my mother. I will be handing her over to fine folks who know how to deal with what she is going through. I am scared for her, but relieved for me. Caring for a 49 year old woman is soooo much harder than an 8 year old boy..

Freaking The Fuck Out March 7, 2009

I am so freaking out. I have about 5000 different emotions going on in my head right now. The emotions are all over the board: extatic, scared, sad, hopeful, nervous, grateful, plus 4994 more. The complexities behind the emotions are far too great to go into right now. I don’t think I myself understand them enough to explain.

Tomorrow Mom and I are going to meet my sister and nieces in the town Mom is going to rehab in. We check Mom in on Monday morning. Its a 90 day program that has miraculously been offered to my mom at no charge. There are very few spaces in the very few programs that are available to people without insurance, funds or resources to cover the VERY expensive cost of a rehabilitation program. She is very fortunate to be offered this opportunity.

Also, yesterday Sushi Boys’ baby girl was born. She is healthy and judging by the pictures I have seen, she is quite beautiful! Of course Sushi Boy is just over the moon in love with her. I have gladly stepped aside and let Ellie Kate take the Number 1 Girl position in her Daddy’s heart.

I’ve been trying to pinpoint some of the reasoning behind my emotions this afternoon and evening. Being honest with myself is really hard sometimes. I really wish I could be the match the super joyous mood that Sushi Boy is in, but I have so many combative emotions going on because of other circumstances right now. Which in turn makes me feel very guilty which is another super crappy emotion to add onto the heap of garbage that I am already feeling.

So…happy freakin’ Saturday!

It’s A Good Thing March 6, 2009

I’ve always been a fan of Martha Stewart. And now, I am an even bigger fan. Giving her daughter and her friend the okay to publicaly make fun of her and her previus work on National Television is her smartest move ever. I’ve always loved Martha, but thought she was kind of hokey and her fashion choices left a lot to be desired.

“Whatever, Martha!,” is so my new favorite show. I record every episode, and although there only seem to be 5 in existance so far, they are fabulous! Its in The Fine Living Network and it is something you HAVE to see!

MORTIFIED March 4, 2009

I have always had the kind of relationship with my mom where I could tell her anything. This was great when I was a teenager. Having a parent that you could talk to about boys, and friends and growing pains was fantastic. Before I was ever sexually active, my mom knew it was inevitable so she took me to my first gyno and let me start taking birth control pills.

Since becoming an adult, I prefer to have discussions about sex with my girlfriends, not the woman who grew me in her uterus. I’ll chat with my mom about most anything, but when it comes to my bedroom preferances, I prefer to keep that knowledge out of my mother/daughter relationship.

So you can imagine my complete and utter humiliation when my mother glides into the living room today wearing my giant moviestar sunglasses, and one of my “Love Ties” wrapped in her hair, asking, “Don’t I look beautiful?” I wanted to curl up in the corner and die! I threw my hands over my eyes like a child watching a scary movie. I didn’t want to see my mother parading around the living room with my experamental sex toys on her head! Not only that, my son was witness to all of this, it was for his amusement!

My mom had taken a cup of coffee to Sushi Boy who was in our bedroom. On a high shelf (out of the eye line of our boys) by the door of our bedroom is a bunch of random crap. Among the crap, are some Love Ties that Sushi Boy and I picked up at Spencers a few weeks ago for shits and giggles. On the same shelf were also some sunglasses from my round Nicole Ritchie Sunglass Phase. My mom would do anything to get a giggle out of my son, so she grabbed the two of them on her way out of my bedroon knowing she could do something silly with them. I bet she didn’t guess that she would make me laugh the hardest!

In the midst of confusion and mortification, I stand up and walk towards the bedroom and see mom in the kitchen with the Love Tie in her hand. I’m still laughing and grab the Tie from her and say, “I’ll take that!” To which she asks, “What is it? A hair curler?” At this point I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. I just shake my head and tell her, “You don’t want to know!” Now she’s following me, and stops dead in her tracks, suddenly much more curious. “Oh!,” she exclaims. “Does it go around the…” Her voice trailed off as she made a circular motion around the area where a penis would be. “NO! It doesn’t go around it!” I tell her. Why, oh why, would I wrap a big red adult pipe cleaner around Sushi Boy’s penis?

I didn’t want to get into the complexities of exactly what could be done with that Love Tie with my mother. I’m sure she had other suggestions that I would so rather not hear! God only knows what she thinks they are for!

To All Of My Friends That Blog March 4, 2009

I wanted to let you all know that I’m reading your blogs and following you with a stalker like obsessivness. I cannot figure out how to reply to your damn blogs from my Blackberry though! Ugh. I am reading them though, and desparatley trying to figure out how to comment on them.

Circus March 2, 2009

Damn it! I just typed a long updated blog, and hit the wrong button and *poof* it is gone.

Because of technical difficulties, you get the crappiest, most uncreative update ever. You are so welcome!

Mom is out of the hospital. And living with me! We had very few options. This was the only one that would let me sleep at night. Its only temporary. We don’t always see eye to eye, so it can be difficult but I have to try. I have to. My sister has been dealing with this for 3 years, now it is my turn.

Sushi Boy is hands down the most amazing boyfriend in the world. After hearing what the options were for my mom, he said, “family is family. Bring her home.” My mom is not always the easiest person to get along with, and he has been so patient. And with me too. I am pretty freaking stressed and tend to blow up at him when the pressure gets to be too much. Amazingly, he still loves me. Or so he says.

I didn’t get the job. Oh well, their loss. I don’t think its a good market to be in right now anyway.

We are trying to find a new place to live, that better suits our current income, which is nada. Lol so that’s not super easy.

Trying to find a job still.

My son is home sick today. Fever and an ongoing headache.

I am trying so hard to eat well, but my mom is a total junk food junkie. She bakes, she buys chocolate and chips and crap I never keep in the house because I know I have no willpower.

Do you ever look at your life and think that joining the circus sounds like the best option? If me and Sushi Boys ex’s weren’t in the picture I’d love to just pack up the necessities, buy a clown car and hit the road with Sushi Boy and the C-Men. But since that isn’t an option, it looks like I’m stuck in the Big Top of my current life.