Hi! Welcome! April 30, 2009

There have been quite a few new readers who have commented or emailed me this week. I just wanted to say HI!!! And welcome! And thanks for chiming in. I love making new friends!

A quick recap…Sushi Boy is my wonderful boyfriend who is sexy as hell and has such a big heart. I’m a lucky girl! The C-Men are our sons, we each have one from a previous relationship…my son is Christian. Christian’s father is Matt who I am very blessed to have a great friendship with!

Updates to come tomorrow. I’m walking into my sons school for an art show he just called and told me about! 8 year olds…. ;o)

Reason 8,532.5 Why I Don’t Like Tyra Banks April 28, 2009

So…I am sitting in my office (aka my bed) catching up on some administrative stuff and flipped on the TV just for some background noise. After a commercial, The Tyra Banks Show came on. Uggghhh…

Since I wasn’t planning on watching it, I left it on. After a few minutes my ears perked up when I heard the “Love Expert,” Andrew Trees, that was on the show today explain that it is best to talk about Pop Culture on a first date, as oppossed to Careers or Literature because, as a woman, you don’t want to sound smarter than the man! A man doesn’t want to date a woman who knows more than he does.

Pardon me, but F that S!!!

There are many things that I know a lot about, but there are way more that I know I don’t know about. I am not going to talk about what Britney wore on the red carpet last week (even though I love celeb smut) with a man on a first date just to act dumb about something I know!

According to him, this is scientific fact. More scientific “facts:”

The best way to end a date is with a hug. A 20 second hug. Try that out on someone….20 seconds is a looooong hug. Talk about coming across needy and clingy on a first date! Psh!

Men are more attracted to a woman’s body than her face. Sorry pretty girls, apparently that just isn’t enough anymore. Spend all of your freetime at a gym and a plastic surgeons office. Then you will meet someone shallow and superficial to date!

And, the only thing I could get behind that Mr. Trees said, was that a man should pay for a first date. That is a scientific fact, after all. Feel free to spread the word in the name of science!

Sorry! April 21, 2009

It was brought to my attention today that I haven’t blogged in a while. I’m sorry!

I have been busy…this weekend was my sons first basketball game. That was the cutest thing ever! Then we went to see my mom in rehab. Which was hard, but she is doing so well. I am very glad we went.

We’ve been searching for a house, we didn’t get our dream home beyond Cooterville. I miss the chickens that were never ours.

And to top it all off…I’m sick. Fever, chills, cough, sore throat, its awesome. I’ll write more tomorrow. I’m determined to feel better tomorrow!

I Refuse To Be Old And Alone April 16, 2009

Today Sushi Boy and I were walking Sunny, his Golden Lab that has softened my heart to all 4 legged beasts, when an elderly woman walked by in swooshy pants, a turtleneck, cardigan and a visor to top it all off. Being the judgemental wretch I am, I turned to Sushi Boy and asked, “Will you still love me when I wear turtlenecks and visors?”

“Of course,” he said. “But we won’t be together when we are that old. I will die long before that.”

I know that gambling on death is probably not looked upon highly, but if I was a bettin’ gal I’d put money on the fact that Sushi Boy will make it to the Pearly Gates before I do. He’s a risk taker. He races cars. He once jumped out of a 100 foot tree (if not taller) because he wanted to beat his friend to the ground. The boy has got balls.

Just a minute ago I got a picture message from a good friend who is apparently shopping with my sister right now. Its a photo of my sister with an old lady-esque straw hat on, with the string pulled up around her chin. I responded to the picture with, “Tell Brandi those are the hats we are going to wear when we are 80, our husbands have died, and we drink rum for breakfast.”

And that is what we are going to do. I have every intention of spending the last years if my life the way I did the first; with my sister. If her husband is still alive I will move in with the both of them, and if my husband is still alive when hers dies, she will move in with us. Who knows, maybe neither of us will ever get married and move in together upon retirement.

I don’t know why more women don’t do this. Or even men for that matter. I’d much rather live in a nice home with my sister and a few other friends than a “retirement community” where the residents tend to be a lot of depressed people waiting for death to knock on their door.

A wonderful, kind, hippie-at-heart friend of my moms used to say, “When I’m old, I want to live in a home where I can take acid and garden all day.”

I’m not so sure about the acid part, but throw in champagne and you’ve got me signed up! I want to laugh, and garden, and travel and enjoy what I have worked so long for. And I think my sister should be along for the ride.

That crazy girl is the funnest person I know, and I don’t want to grow old and leave laughter behind.

You Pass The Corn Maze, And Continue Through Cooterville April 14, 2009

I hope this doesn’t jinx us!

Yesterday Sushi Boy and I looked at a house that we fell in love with. Its a dome house, which I have always been fascinated with, and:

It is on two acres!

It has a chicken coop, complete with chickens and roosters!

There is a pin & stalls for goats, pigs or a horse!

I could have a huge garden!

There is a creek running through the yard!

Across the road is the Nehalem River!
The master bedroom is huge!

There is a play structure in the yard for the boys, and a giant fire pit!

The downfalls:

It is another 20 minutes further from town than we already are.

No cell phone coverage with our current providers! Ack! This is a big one to me…and we just signed a two year contract.

But you know what, I still want it! I’m at a point in my life where I want a slower pace. I want to know my neighbors. I want the C-Men to play outside and make tree forts and chase frogs and get dirty. I want to get dirty.

The towns population is 131! 131 people, not 131,000, but just 131! Apparently there are about 60 homes. There is a post office, and the volunteer fire station which borders the property to the south.

The unofficial mayor of the town lives across the street from the house we are looking at. Every Saturday morning he and his wife cook french toast on their outdoor stove for all of the kids in town. In the summer he starts up the bonfire in the morning and all of the townsfolk come over for coffee, and some stay until the evening and then switch to beer!

In the winter we would get one to two feet of snow. She said you only get snowed in for a few days though.

Sushi Boy and I are already planning BBQ’s and camp outs at our place. we are dreaming of teaching the boys to drive on country roads, and raising pigs named Bacon and Dinner.

Keep your fingers crossed! I really want this place! Oh, and the title of this post…those are really the directions!!!! I hope this doesn’t jinx us!

When Zombies Attack: An Easter Conversation April 13, 2009

As I mentioned last week, Baby Mama and Baby Ellie joined us for Easter. It went okay. It was very awkward when one of Sushi Boy’s sisters’ said to me while Baby Mama is standing there, “Brooke, you must be just thrilled to have a baby in the house again!” instead of saying what I was thinking, which wasn’t very nice, I held my tongue. I managed to get out, “Oh, well I don’t get to see her very often.” That was as nice as I could muster, which I realize wasn’t exactly what you’d call nice, but it wasn’t rude. It was the truth.

Anyhow…a group of us are sitting in the living room, making uncomfortable small talk because someone was being kind of snarky (she shall remain nameless…) Sushi Boy says something about local research monkeys escaping, and how Baby Mama was excited about it, because she thought that brings us closer to a Zombie Attack. I started to laugh, and then remembered I had heard this before, and Baby Mama does really believe that a Zombie Attack is in our future. I bit my tongue when I saw her eyes light up. Then someone said something about a book relating to Zombie Attacks, and fueled the fire. Baby Mama is stoked! We are finally talking about something she is genuinely interested in, so she doesn’t have to poorly fake it anymore.

As Baby Mama was excitedly rattling on and on about how the attack is going to go down, I am DYING inside! I am trying soooo hard to not laugh hysterically. I am amazed that no one else seems to be having a hard time holding their laughter in. Until I look over at Sushi Boy’s dad (whom I love) and can see the added sparkle in his eyes. He pipes up, and asks, “So how do you prepare for a Zombie Attack?”

“Well, I have on hand water, blunt objects and a wiffle ball bat.”

Sushi Boy pipes up with, “A wiffle ball bat?!?”

At this point I loose it. I snort, then close my mouth, hold my breath, and run to the bathroom where I lock myself in and laugh my ass off. My weekend had sucked balls, but that one sentence out of her mouth made my weekend awesome!

Of course I immediately text messaged my sister that important information, so she can prepare her house for a zombie attack. Word has spread, and I got a call from my dad tonight.

“So, I’m just putting together my zombie preparedness kit and I think I’m forgetting something. What is it I need again?!?”

Gawd that man cracks me up!

So my internet lovelies, I am sharing my wisdom with you. I don’t want a zombie attack to take you by surprise, and you not have a wiffle ball bat on hand! Apparently they are essential in fighting off the undead!

Silly me thought maybe a sawed off shotgun or some holy water. Man…what a moron I am! I would never have guessed a wiffle bat!

Happy Easter! April 12, 2009

Happy Easter, everyone! I know today means different things to many people. Whatever it means to you, I hope that you are with someone you love and have a gooey marshmallowey Peep in your mouth!

xoxoxoxo

This Love Is Difficult, But It’s Real April 11, 2009

You will have to excuse the cheesy Taylor Swift song lyric title of this post. But I’ve never heard lyrics that resonate as strongly with me than that line does.

This love is difficult.

I’ve never been in a relationship that was as hard as this one is with Sushi Boy. Because I’ve never been myself in a relationship. I’ve been what I thought I should be, or I’ve played the role of someone I thought my partner wanted to be with. I’ve never been straight up me. Brooke.

Brooke is complicated. She’s emotionally heavy. She is skeptical, and untrusting. She is shy about asking for what she wants, but is disappointed when she doesn’t get it. She is sometimes neurotic and obsessive, but she loves big and she loves wholly. She can be your best friend and your biggest cheerleader, all while being critical and sometimes down right mean.

I’ve never been comfortable with her.

Brooke has never loved a man who didn’t hurt her or leave her. Brooke was taught not to trust men, because they are liars and cheaters. Brooke never knew how to be emotionally vulnerable, because she had to protect her little heart from too young of an age. She’s always felt she had to be strong and unaffected. Betrayal has always been something you felt in the moment, and then swept under the rug.

So I never let myself be Brooke.

But with Sushi Boy…well, he’s dating Brooke.

And a lot of the time I feel bad for him. Brooke has never really been with a man. She’s dated boys in mens bodies, but not a true genuine man. She’s kind of new at this. She is a girl in a womans body, learning to be open and learning to be vulnerable. She’s not very good at it. But she is trying.

It is real.

This love is very very real. I’ve never felt something this strong from a man, or for a man. It scares me so much, because being in this deep and loving so fiercely is something I don’t do without a wall up. Some kind of insurance that if it ends I will be okay.

I’m doing it though…I’m living on the edge, without insurance that it is forever and we will have our happily ever after. I guess you could call it loving on the edge. I’m being careless with my heart, and if feels so good. I’m letting it grow and mature. I’m letting it learn. And every time Sushi Boy and I get to a scary place and I’m me, the real me, he doesn’t run and leave me. He holds me and kisses me. And he still loves me. And I learn that Brooke can love and be loved.

It may be scary, and it may be difficult but it is so damn worth it.

happily ever now April 10, 2009

The amazing, wonderful, inspiring magazine I am working for (Single Parent Magazine, www.spmagonline.com) sports this tag line.

“Happily ever now.”

Doesn’t that just warm your heart a little bit? It gives me the goose bumps.

Wednesday I was thinking a lot on this. I jotted down a few things that make my “now” happy, and thought I’d share them with you.

* Waking my son up in the morning. Lovingly with a nuzzle and a sing-song voice.

* Telling the people in my life that I love them and appreciate them.

* Enjoying the gifts of Mother Nature, like the gorgeous Cherry Blossoms and Daffodills in our yard.

* Laughing: at the funny, the ironic, the scary and the silly

* Forgiveness: This is a big one that I am trying to encorporate more of. My new motto is Forgive Big.

* Celebrating success. Whether its your or mine, big or small. Celebrating something makes you feel happy. Think of that jovial feeling you get a birthday parties and weddings. Just celebrating the small things can give us that euphoria as well.

How do you live Happily Ever Now?

The New Blended Family or a Jerry Springer Show? April 8, 2009

Sushi Boy said something last night that I can’t get out of my mind.

For Easter, we are going to one of his sisters homes to celebrate with his family. Baby Mama has agreed to come with Baby Girl so his family can meet the new addition. We are all very excited about this. I was asking Sushi Boy last night about what he thought of inviting Matt (my sons father) and his family ( his fiance, our son, her son and their son) to join the celebration because they don’t have plans, and I would get to see my son.

“Why don’t we just have them set up a stage and we can all sit up there while ever one chants ‘Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!’?” was his response.

Now I know that ours is not what most of civilization sees as a “typical American family” but it is our family. I realize that the relationship that Matt and I have been able to create post-break up is unique, but in my heart I really hope that someday it won’t be so unique. My hope is that separated or divorced parents can evolve to a place where co-parenting and getting along for the sake of the child is not so revolutionary.

I certainly don’t want this to come across as “my way is better than your way” or “aren’t I a good person” because I know every circumstance is different. Being a child of separated parents who did not get along most of the time, my experience was not one that I wished upon my son. In fact, when Matt and I first suspected I was pregnant, we made a deal that no matter what happened with us, our child would always have both of us in his life and we would do the best we could to make it easy on him. We had both been through the trenches with our divorced or separated parents and just wanted something more for our child. It was our own personal experiences that made us realize there could be another way to do this.

And there is.

There have definitely been ups and downs in me and Matts journey to co-parent our son, but we’ve always tried to keep in mind what makes life easier for Christian. We never want him to feel he has to choose one parent or the other, and we’ve always tried to keep arguments and trash talking from him.

I find myself saying often how lucky I feel that we have the relationship that we do. But if I am to be honest here, its not necessisarily luck. At times it has been really really tough. Its difficult to hang up the phone after a disagreement with Matt and hold my tounge so C doesn’t know his parents are arguing. I guess when it comes down to it, the only part luck has played into this is that Matt and I experienced what we don’t want our child to.

With over 13 million single parent households in the United States, I just can’t believe that our situation is going to be so Jerry Springer in the near future.

Matt and Sushi Boy get along phenomenally. That part may be a little luck. Or it could be that Sushi Boy respects what Matt and I have created, and is secure in our relationship. Or heck, it could just be that I have a tendency to choose men that have a lot of the same attributes, so they click well.

Whatever the case may be, I believe this is not Jerry Springer worthy. We make plans to hang out with Matt and his family, and not because we have to. We like to! We like to show the kids that there can be a friendship and camaraderie, all differences aside.

I really hope that there are other families out there who believe this too, and are practicing co-parenting with friendship. When I die, if my only success was making my sons childhood easier because of circumstances out of his control, I will die a happy mama!

Tweet Tweet Tweet April 7, 2009

Okay…I’m doing it. I’ve dove into the deep end!

I’m Tweeting.

On twitter.

You can follow me @brookeb4.

“Her Last Name Is Eggo?!?” April 6, 2009

Today was a wonderful day!

After a lot of preparation and research, today was the day I dove into my new career. (Yes, career not job. I have no doubt this is what I want to do for the next portion of my life. And I cannot tell you how awesome that feels!) Today was perfect. I took my son to school, came home and had the house to myself as Sushi Boy was back to work today too. I enjoyed a cup of coffee in the backyard in the morning sunshine and decided that is where I would work from today. I set up a make shift office in the sunshine (mostly out of camping equipment, it was tres chic!), put on a swimsuit and sunscreen and got to work.

After completing my research on the companies I was planning to call, I got to work. The first call is always nerve racking. But I got a voicemail, which made things a little bit easier of a start. By the time I got to the fourth call, I was in a groove and feeling good about my approach and knowledge. Things were going well, and I was really enjoying the people I was talking too. And BONUS I was getting a tan!

Well, by about the tenth call I think I was on Vitamin D overdose and it started affecting my brain. I was talking to a woman in charge of marketing for the local portion of a chain of nationwide restaurants. We were having a great conversation, and she was really enthusiastic about what we were discussing. I was jumping up and down in my head, thinking that this could lead to something really awesome! My ideas were flowing! I was on fire!

“Unfortunately, these decisions have to be made by corporate no matter how much I like them,” she tells me. “So you will need to call Sandy Eggo, let me get you the number.”

I’m taking meticulous notes, wondering if its Eggo with one G or two. Then I realise one G would be “ego”. It must be 2 G’s. That name must have sucked as a kid, I think to myself.

So that super sweet gal on the other end of the phone gives me the phone number I need to call, and I verify the number and then ask, “And Sandy’s last name is Eggo?”

The woman says “What?!?!” And then starts laughing. A lot. “Nooo…” She manages to get out. “You need to call the corporate office, which is in San Diego!”

Oh.My.God.

Did I really just mistake San Diego for Sandy Eggo??? I could hear the woman on the other end of the phone trying not to hyperventalate and struggle to talk to me without laughing. I don’t blame her at all! What a moron I was!

Taught me a lesson though! You can’t be too reliant on your sharpness after 5 hours in the sun when you have had 6 months of Oregon winter!

Must Wear Panties To Breakfast April 3, 2009

Yesterday morning Sushi Boy and I were laying in bed. Both of our stomach’s were growling. I hadn’t eaten much the day before, and we didn’t have anything good in the house. So we decided to go out to breakfast.

I was being lazy, and just threw on a bra and a long dress. I decided it just wasn’t in the cards to go into the attached room that I have turned into my closet to find underwear. The world was not going to end if I didn’t wear underwear to breakfast.

Or was it???

I laid back down on the bed to wait for Sushi Boy to take his dog out to potty, and get dressed. When he comes back in the room, he jumps on me. We wrestle for a minute, and then he hops up and I start to stand up to go, when he catches a glimps of my bare booty.

Sushi Boy: You aren’t wearing any underwear!

Me: I know…

Sushi Boy: Gross!

Me: Gross???

Sushi Boy: Babe…it’s a family restaurant!

Me: (Hysterical laughter for a solid 2 minutes)

Sushi Boy: Is it really that funny?

Me: Oh yes! Yes, it is. Do you think I’m going to hike my dress up and sit with my legs spread at breakfast?!? Seriously???

Sushi Boy: If we were going out to a bar or something, that would be hot. But at breakfast…that’s just kind of dirty.

Me: (Even more hysterical laughter) Fine, I’ll put on a pair of panties. Is a thong okay? Or is that too dirty for breakfast too? (Followed by more hysterical laughter)

Part of the reason why this is soooo amusing to me, is Sushi Boy is one of the most open minded people I have ever met. I could tell him that I wanted to have wild crazy monkey sex with actual monkeys and he would say, “If that is what you are into babe, I’ll see where we can get the monkeys!” and never think any less of me. * So the fact that he was completely appalled by the thought of me going au natural to breakfast, while wearing a dress who’s hem fell well below my knees is hilarious!

I guess there are just some circumstances where panties are required, and breakfast is one of them!

*Disclaimer: In no way, shape or form do monkeys turn me on. Or any animal for that matter. This statement was just used as an example and no actual animals were harmed (or humped) in the re-creation of this story.