I’m sitting in the backyard, contemplating how much my lifestyle has changed in this past year. As I look at my dirty feet in flip flops, I wonder when exactly I traded my stilletos in for these neglected feet in desperate need of a pedicure.
I love this life. Not that I didn’t love life before. This one seems so much more, for lack of a better word, fulfilling. These first few weeks of summer I’ve been watching things grow. Watching our gardens and our chickens grow. Watching our boys grow. Watching relationships and people grow. I’ve never stopped and simply enjoyed the process of growth.
I’ve never had a summer at home with Christian. My “baby” turned 9 two weeks ago, and this is our first summer together. Sure, I’ve had him over the summer but I also had full time jobs that required him to spend most of the sun-filled days of summer at his wonderful babysitters home. It is so nice to not have to wake him up first thing in the morning and rush out the door, kiss him on the cheek and not see him again until 6 p.m. Granted, my pocket book doesn’t think it is so nice, but we’re working on that!
A few weeks ago Sushi Boy created our gardens. He worked hard in the hot evening sun after long days at the office rotatilling and hoeing (tee hee) so we could plant seeds and grow food. I’ve helped my dear friend Liz in her gardens for the past few years, but never had one of my own. Hell, I’ve never even had a yard of my own! The boys have their own garden, growing radishes and carrots. The big garden is growing a plethora of vegetables that I wasn’t sure would sprout. So far…so amazing! I had little doubt that my sad looking tomato plant would survive, but last night Sushi Boy found two tiny tomatoes on it! I cannot express the happiness that brought me!
Of course there is give and take. I’m starting to get a little cabin fever. Our home is in a tiny town that feels like it is a million miles from nowhere, even though we are actually only about 30 miles from downtown Portland. I haven’t seen too many friends for way too long. (To all of you, I still love you and miss you desperately!) It seems like many of the adult-friend events get scheduled on nights that I have Christian, and giving up one of my nights with him after not seeing him for a whole week is just too hard. Especially once the realization hit that he is now half way to 18! Halfway!?! The first half has gone so fast. I am not okay with the speed at which his little life is progressing.
Last year at this time I had just returned from a girls trip to Vegas. I had no commitments other than to my son and to my employer. The nights I didn’t have my son were mostly spent going out and trying to escape the loneliness of my empty apartment. Trying to figure out what would make me feel like I was here for a reason (other than my son, of course.) Don’t misunderstand, I certainly was not unhappy! I was having a blast, and my relationship with my son was more than enough to bring happiness into my life. But I was craving something a little bit more. I was looking for love and looking for purpose.
And now, well, I’m pretty sure I have both.
Even though I was a wretched, pms induced biatch to Sushi Boy over the weekend, I think he still loves me. He may not like me as much right now, but I’m trying to make that right! Being with him, having our family, our home, our gardens, our dog, our chickens, now our kitten (yes…we now have added a kitten named Moose into the mix) well, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
The organization I’m working for is amazing, making great progress to help single parents succeed and be happy. And grow. And if anyone understands how important it is for single parents to feel successful and to be happy, it’s me.
What more could a girl ask for, really? You know, other than a nice trust fund to live off of, but who doesn’t want that?!?
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