Now This Is Different July 31, 2009

In the past I had a very specific M.O. after a breakup. I’d go out every night for a week, drink myself into an oblivion and hook up with the hottest man I found. I thought the best way to get over one man was to get on top of another.

Man have I changed! Reverting back to my old behavior crossed my mind momentarily on Monday, but then I decided I was worth more than that. None of those seemed like healthy things to do to myself. Instead I’ve been trying really hard to impress at my new job, spending time with people who love me, and trying to live my life in accordance with my Priority List.

I feel so much better! I’m not hung over and miserable. I’m optimistic and getting more and more healthy every day! I feel good about the choices I am making in my life. I’m clear headed and it feels great!

The End July 29, 2009

Sushi Boy and I broke up.

I’m not going to dish the dirt, because even though I’ve blogged throughout our relationship about our relationship, there are somethings that just don’t need to be broadcasted for the world to know.

I will say that I did things he wasn’t cool with, and he did things I wasn’t cool with. We didn’t just fall out of love. That would have been far more simple.

So, we are moving on. I won’t say that I regret our relationship. I’ve never loved a man more than I love(d) him (I’m trying to be strong.) I learned a lot, and I loved a lot. We did have some wonderful times, a lot of them. I hate that things couldn’t be different and that things can’t be taken back. But sometimes that’s just the way life goes, and you have to deal with the consequences.

I hate that our boys are going through this too. I hope that somehow our boys are able to remain friends because that would just be shitty if we weren’t able to figure that out.

Sushi Boy…thank you for what we had. I know things weren’t perfect, but man did we have some good times. I genuinely hope that you have a wonderful life. Thank you for what you taught me, for what you gave me, and for all that you shared with me. Although I’m usually good with words, I just can’t find the right ones right now. I believe you know what I am feeling right now. You have to, you know me so well.

Priorities July 27, 2009

I’ve realized that in order to shape my own destiny, and to create the life that I want for myself and my family I need to have priorities. Of course I have always had things in my life that were priorities at the time, everyone does. But I have never stopped and thought about what overall in my life, the big picture, my priorities are.

I made a list of my Top Ten Priorities. I will keep this list in the forefront of my mind when making decisions from now on. I have been just reacting to life, and not creating my life. I’m not going to live that way anymore. If this is my only ride on this planet, I want to make the most of it. Time to make the most of it.

Take a break today and think of your top
priorities. Does your life reflect that? Mine didn’t, but that is changing!

Thank You July 23, 2009

I have th most wonderful friends! Thank you to all of you who reached out and checked up on me after my last post. I didn’t intend on worrying people. I am okay. Okay, but very touched and very lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. I love you all!

My last post was not just about one thing, but a multitude of things. There are many aspects of my life that could use some restructuring, a little more care and a lot more respect.

I’m working on it.

I’ve always been kind of a hippie at heart, and believed that things happen for a reason and everything will work itself out. Well…that hasn’t got me very far. I’m starting to jump the fence. Maybe we do create our own destinies and successes. So I’m taking responsibility for my life and my future. I’m taking control of it.

Let’s hope I don’t mess it up even more!

Picking Up The Pieces July 21, 2009

I’ve done it all wrong and I’m starting over. Everything, with the exception of my son. I think he’s the one thing I’ve gotten right so far.

I wish I could just wipe the slate clean and start over from scratch, but we all know that’s not the way life works. You have to pick up the pieces before you can walk on the ground.

Today I start picking up the pieces. Things are going to be different. Things are going to be better. Sometimes the change that you fight the most is the one that will benefit you the most.

Working 9 To 5 July 20, 2009

Sooo…I got a job! Yay! I’m very excited to be working a “regular” job again. I am still working for Single Parent magazine. Sushi Boy and I have been getting by, but I don’t want to just get by. I want to be able to provide our family with those fun little extras, that unfortunately take money.

I am on the train on my way to my first day at my new job. I am the new Operations Assistant for the corporate office of a company that owns and operates assisted living facilities throughout the west. I haven’t found a way to shorten that job description yet… It turns out one of the VP’s that I will be working with ran in the same dance team circles as I did about 10 years ago. (Okay…it may be a bit longer than 10 years, but not by much! ) She taught at the dance camp our team went to, and I actually worked at one summer. So that is a fun little coincidence.

I’m sad that my summer home with Christian only lasted a month, but its better than nothing at all. And he is excited to get back to Pari’s, the amazing woman who has been watching him since he was 2.5 months old. He has so missed her these past 7 months.

I am excited to work outside of my home again, meet new people and learn new things. This is an industry I have a ton to learn about, and am very excited. I plan on taking mass transit most days, so the days will be long. But it will be worth it. My new office is just south of downtown Portland, so I get to enjoy the hustle of city life.

Goodbye aspirations of being a domestic goddess! It was fun pretending! We both know I’m much more Working Girl than Domestic Diva. Let’s hope the garden survives!

My Love/Hate Relationship With Public Transit July 14, 2009

I am currently on a public transit bus on my way to an interview. Now while it would have been light years faster to drive into town for my interview, I’ve been trying to do my part to be more earth conscious. While I work from home and most of the time have no set schedule, I’ve been riding the bus and the light rail more. I feel better about myself and my choices. And its relaxing. I’d so much rather get up an hour and a half earlier in the morning than sit stressed out in traffic for an hour before my interview. Plus I love to people watch, and public transit makes for some damn funny stories.

This morning for instance, there are 3 men sitting behind me. They were all dressed jeans and sweat shirts that fit them decently. They all appeared to be showered and shaved, no ripe odors coming from them. You could easily imagine them dressed in suits and ties, in a corner office. Until they opened their mouths. Not only did they overload their conversations with the F-Bomb, they had no idea what was publicly acceptable conversation. I mean I could have really made it to my destination peacefully without knowing 2 out of 3 of them were on their way to court, that they all thought the Clackamas County Judicial system was more strict than Washington County, and that one of them was probably looking at 30 days because of “just a warrant.” Just a warrant…that’s how I always refer to it!

Then there are the people who insist on calling up everyone they’ve ever known while on a bus to discuss their asshole ex-husbands, their ungrateful bosses and miserable children. That’s how I like to start off my day…wallowing in the horridness of my life. Good times!

I do love the bus though. I like chilling out, drinking my coffee and letting someone else deal with the massive traffic nightmare on Highway 26.

Don’t Even Worry About It! July 10, 2009

I am so happy right now. You couldn’t smack the smile off of me if you tried.

The C-Men and I are in the mini-van, traveling the same long stretch of beautiful highway that we traveled last Friday and Sunday. Last weekend we were minus my son, plus my mom and headed to the teeny tiny town my sis and dad live in for a wedding. But this weekend, this trip, this is fun, exciting, fill my heart with joy travel. We are headed to the beautiful Rogue River in southern Oregon. This is the 4th annual rafting trip I have done with this group of friends. Everyone loves it so much, our group keeps growing. This year I think we have almost 50 people (including kids) camping and rafting.

We are getting a really late start, as Sushi Boy had to work a full day. We’ll arrive around 10:30 tonight and set up camp in the dark. While typically I would be stressed at running so late (even though we have no commitments until our push off time tomorrow afternoon) I am relaxed. The wind is tickling my pink toes as they peek out of the window. I’ve got my new wicker cowboy hat and giant Jackie O. sunglasses on. The boys are in the back discussing Pokemon, which I will never understand. And my wonderful Sushi Boy is rocking out to Pandora on his iPhone while he drives us to paradise.

It usually takes arriving at my vacation destination for me to get in vacation mode. But I am sooo there. As soon as we picked up Sushi Boy from work and I let him slide into the drivers seat, I was in a “Don’t Even Worry About It!” kind of mood.

Two and a half years ago, I went on a girls trip to Puerto Vallarta with my friends Terri, Rachel and Robyn. Not long before the trip we had become really good friends with a girl named Courtney. Courtney was wild and crazy and sooo fun. She would have made a perfect addition to our crazy foursome. But Courtney was also a mom and a wife and couldn’t come with on such short notice. Courtney had some funny things she often said, one of which was “Don’t even worry about it!” After a few drinks, this was pretty much her response to everything. I liked it. She was in the relaxation zone. It was her time to unwind, and not worry about anything.

There was a woman selling her wares in the commons at the resort we were staying at in Puerto Vallarta. She did artistic work on souvenirs. We each picked out a giant martini glass that she had painted and had all of our names painted on them, along with the phrase “Don’t Even Worry About It.” It was an ode to Courtney, but also a reflection of our mind set. We were 4 women who had left all of our responsibility at home for 7 glorious sun and tequila filled days in Mexico. Even though Rachel and I collided on a zipline 1200 feet in the air at 25 miles an hour and she broke her leg in 4 places, we still had an amazing time. She was such a trooper!

And that is the mind set I’m in now. Even though we are staying in state, its only for 2 days, and I’m with the entire fam…I’m not even going to worry about it!