Self Promoting Solicitation Included At No Additonal Charge! August 18, 2009

Ok, I am going to do some dirty blog work here, and push my own product. I will never, ever spam you again, lovely blogsters, but I just wanted to put this out there. :0) You never know who will read this, and it could be some gazillionaire single parent who is just looking for something to do with some extra cash she has lying around taking up space! lol

My official plea for help:

Dear friends,
 
In order to get this economy turned around, we need organizations that are going to stimulate and spur growth. I am currently working for such an organization that I am very passionate about, but we need help. Who do you know that is a business owner that could use more business?
I am the Managing Editor for Single Parent Media Group, a single mom-owned company whose goal is to support single parents while also supporting local and national businesses. We are doing this through some innovative ways: Modern Single Parent Magazine, iHeartSingleParents.com, live events, and RESPIRE, a non-profit whose focus is to help transition struggling single parents into successful single parents.
Please email me if you want to know more, and with any referrals of business owners that could use more business through single parents. You just never know who you know that could make a difference!

Things I Have Time To Do Now That I’m Unemployed February 10, 2009

Things I have time to do while unemployed:

1) Search for a new job

2) Wash, dry, fold and put away laundry

3) Create weekly menu’s of healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner options

4) Actually make those meals

5) Do the dishes daily, and keep up on the house work

6) Keep in better touch with friends and family

7) Create a budget

Organize Casa de Sushi to integrate me and Christian’s stuff

9) Get in at least an hour of exercise a day

10) Finally ready The Classics                   

And what I have actually been doing:

1) Search for a new job

Okay, I have been searching for a new job. Every weekday I faithfully log onto Craigslist and send out my resume for all of the new and relevant postings. I also check out at least one other job hunting venue per day.

2) Wash, dry, fold and put away laundry

I have been washing and most of the time remembering to dry clothes. Sometimes the clothes in the washer sit there for a few days, and then I have to re-wash them once or twice more because they have been sitting wet for so long, and have that nasty ick smell. Once they finally make it out f the dryer, the get added to the already huge pile of clean clothes on the giant table in the washroom. It’s going to be a super fun project for me one day. I think I’m going to wait until a Real Housewives of Orange County marathon comes on.

3) Create weekly menu’s of healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner options

A few weeks ago I found a weekly calendar to do this on in MS Works and printed it out. Actually, that’s a lie. Sushi Boy printed it out.

4) Actually make those meals

I make suggestions as to what we should have for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It’s usually not healthy, and it’s usually not made by me. Sushi Boy, or the fine folks that operate the restaurants around here are the ones usually making the food.

5) Do the dishes daily, and keep up on the house work

I walk by the dishes daily, and snarl at them. I also curse them and the fact that I told Sushi Boy that he couldn’t use paper plates for every meal once I moved it. That sounds better and better all the time. If only I could get over the whole environmental factor. Oh….and it super sucks because Sushi Boy does not have a dish washer. Freaking old house! (It is a gorgeous old house though)

6) Keep in better touch with friends and family

I have been doing a much better job at stalking friends and family on MySpace and Facebook.

7) Create a budget

Ha! I have memorized my Unemployment Credit Card 16 digit number though, to make it more efficient every time I call to check my balance.

Organize Casa de Sushi to integrate me and Christian’s stuff

I try to move a few boxes around at least once a day so Sushi Boy thinks I’m making some progress. I bitch about him and the boys not picking up after themselves, yet I have boxes upon TV sets upon more boxes taking over half of the front room.

9) Get in at least an hour of exercise a day

I watched Hatha Yoga today on the Fitness Channel while The Real Housewives of Orange County was at commercial. I’m pretty sure that counts for something.

10) Finally ready The Classics

I have been reading History in the Making. Who needs the classics when Perez Hilton gives you hourly updates on the Rihanna/Chris Brown fiasco?!? And I have discovered a website which must be the Dirty Sister of YouTube, YouPorn. It’s not that I am so much watching the porn, as I am typing in all of the random off the wall stuff I can think of. And you know what, people have done it! You want to see a gay midget orgy? YouPorn. A woman having intimate relations with a banana? YouPorn! I’m feeling not so creative anymore, let me tell you!

It’s So Hard To Let Go… February 3, 2009

So…I have too many clothes. Well, let me clarify. I don’t think I have too many clothes, I don’t think anyone can ever have too many clothes. But I have too many clothes for Sushi Boy’s house. It was built in the early 1900’s, and apparently the term “clothes horse” hadn’t been, or needed to be, invented yet. Our bedroom closet is tiny. Like the size of a coat closet. It does have a second rod halfway up, but it still has a very small capacity.

I have taken over the closet in the office/nursery. And the bottom rod in Sushi Boy’s closet. And the closet in the play room upstairs.

My sister suggested that I go through and get rid of some of my clothes. Like the ones I’ve had since 8th grade. That’s a bit of an exaggeration though, I think my clothes only date back to high school. I can’t do it though!

When I was a Freshman, many of the styles I was wearing were styles my mom wore in the 70’s, and I hated that she hadn’t saved any of her clothes. I’ve often donated clothing, and then two seasons later seen the same styles on the runways and in magazines.

I’ve decided to start slow. Just get rid of things that I are really worn and even if they do come back in style, I would need to replace. So far I’ve collected 3 items to take to Goodwill. Hey! It’s a start!

What is hard for you to part with?

Observances From the Land of Unemployment January 31, 2009

Observances From the Land of Unemployment

 

I got tagged by Tiffany at www.myrandomwisdom.blogspot.com forever ago, and I haven’t done what has been asked of me yet. Tiff is very fun, and doesn’t mind that I call her Tiff like I totally know her in person.

 

From what my mushy brain remembers, I am supposed to blog about seven random things about me. I’m going to switch it up a little bit though, and blog about Seven Observances from the Land of Unemployment. Now that I have been officially unemployed for 4 weeks, I think that makes me an expert on the subject.

 

The Oregon Unemployment System is the most inefficient system I have ever dealt with.It’s worse than the DMV! Every time I have had to call them, I have spent at least 45 minutes on hold before I am able to get through to a human who is able to help me. Sure, they have a website that you can initiate most things through, but not everything. I wish I could apply with them and put some new systems into place.

 

Daytime television sucks. It is nice that Family Feud is still on though. John O’Hurley makes a good host. It’s funny though, Sushi Boy and I have realized that almost every show one of the answers is “Shoveling Snow.” They must be surveying people in Minnesota or something. So if you ever find yourself of Family Feud, try to think as a Minnesotan would think. And by the way, I was so excited that they were not going to end The Price Is Right when Bob Barker retired. After witnessing Drew Carrey’s train wreck of a hosting job, I wish they would have just cancelled it. And by watching Maury Povich, it seems like every pregnant teenager in America has no idea who their Baby Daddy is, and can only narrow it down to a pool of 12 or more men.

 

(I got up to use the restroom, and Sushi Boy jumped in here to high jack my blog.) I am going to propose to Sushi Boy on Valentines Day at the Monster truck show via jumbo-tron (I’ll post more about this later!)

 

I could never be a stay at home mom to school aged children.What in the hell am I supposed to do all day while the kids are in school? Most of my friends work full time. Thankfully I have a job hunt to keep me busy, a boyfriend who is job hunting also and a house to clean. If I wasn’t looking for a job though, I think I’d loose my mind. It does give Sushi Boy and me extra time for Hanky Panky though which is fun! Hanky Panky is another word they use on Family Feud a lot.

 

Bars are a lot busier than you think they’d be during the work day. One of my best friends Jamie got laid off the week before I did. So we decided a few Friday’s ago that we should go have some Bloody Mary’s during the middle of the day just BECAUSE WE COULD. It was great fun. I was shocked at how many people are in the bars during the middle of a week day though. I am sure that plenty of the business men I saw don’t make it a point to disclose to their wives or bosses where they spend their lunch hours.

 

It is so nice to not wear a dress or skirt everyday.And so much warmer! I have long, long been a fan of dressing up and making myself up. Even when I’m not working, I will usually wear a dress or skirt. Part of that stems from the fact that my legs are like 20 feet long and it is hard to find pants that are long enough, but also the fact that I like to feel girly. I embrace my girly-ness. But it is January, and it is literally frozen when I get up in the morning to take C to school. Pulling on a pair of jeans, a sweatshirt and my Uggs is a much nicer way to ease into the day.

 

I don’t like to cook. I’ve always known that I don’t like to cook, although I have always told myself and others that if I had more time I wouldn’t mind it so much, it’s just too time consuming. Well, now I have all of the time in the world, and nope. I don’t like it. I’ll do it, of course, to feed the C-Men, but I’m not loving it. Every so often it’s not terrible and even slightly enjoyable. But Rachel Ray I am not.

 

Most people who use the computers at the public library here make me cringe.Myself excluded, of course. I’ve used the computers at the library quite a few times now, and every time I am surrounded by people who either smell like they sleep in garbage cans, are talking loudly or total assholes to their children. For some reason I am a stickler to rules like, “Be Quiet in the Library.” I really wish I had the balls to walk around to every loud jerk face in the library and tell them to shut the eff up. But unfortunately, I lack cajones when faced with a situation like that.

 

 

 

 

2008 in Review December 31, 2008

(I don’t know why it staggers the pictures I post like it does! I’ve tried to fix it, and it just doesn’t change! I apologize, it drives me crazy!)

2008 was a tumultuous year for me. It had very high ups and very low downs. Overall, I am glad to see it go!

I started 2008 as the maid of honor in one of my best friends NYE wedding.

 

 

 

 

January was also the month that I turned 28. My friend Liz and I celebrated our birthday’s together, as they are just 10 days apart. (I’m still not quite sure why Leann thought Bunny Ears were a necessity, but they were fun!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

I then, got to celebrate my birthday again with my Girls Night Girls, because 3 of us have birthdays within 2 weeks of one another! My beautiful friends, and fellow Aquarians, Jamie and Jeanette!

 

 

 

 

I decided at 28 I needed to really get serious about taking care of myself. The day after turning 28 I quit drinking and smoking and started running. That lasted for about 2 weeks until my “heart thing” started. Apparently when your heart stops beating every 3-6 beats that can make you black out and requires 2 months of appointments with specialists and tests. Turns out I’m okay, just a slight ventricle problem. All is A-OK now, as long as I don’t drink too much caffeine.

February brought the birth of my gorgeous niece Julia Gulia. I was fortunate enough to be there again when my sister delivered. She is one tough bitch, that sister of mine. I am so incredibly proud of her!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Spring wasn’t incredibly eventful. I started this blog, which I love having. I had started dating B, and was enjoying being healthy. I started drinking little by little again, which lead to smoking again. Bad Brooke. Also, I broke my digital camera sometime in the Spring and there are not a ton of pictures from that time period!

Sadly in April, my dear friend Terri died in a tragic motorcycle accident. I’d never lost anyone unexpectedly and the sadness was intensified by deep guilt as we hadn’t seen one another in almost a year. Terri changed my life in many ways, and she will never be forgotten by any of the lives that she touched.  

 

 

 

 

 

Also in April, one of my best friends Leann gave birth to her second baby girl, and I got to be there when beautiful baby Alyssa made her entrance into this world. Leann was a champ, and both mama and baby were happy and healthy!

In June my beautiful baby boy turned 8 years old. We had a super fun birthday party for him at a pizza parlor with a great play room, including a miniature Ferris Wheel. I unfortunately can’t seem to find pictures of his party. Bad, bad, mom.

The end of June was time for me and a few of my girls to unwind…which meant a nice long weekend in Las Vegas. We relaxed, we partied, we gambled, and we had a great time. We stayed at the beautiful Planet Hollywood Hotel and Resort, and loved every minute of it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The summer of 2008 also brought Christian’s first white water rafting trip. We took a 4 day excursion on the Rogue River with about 20 of our closest friends. C had fun while we were there, but has told me adamantly that he WILL NOT be going next year, because it was too scary. (He didn’t fall out once, and we didn’t go down any rapids that were too treacherous.) I bet once we get some swimming lessons under his belt he’ll be game for it again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In September it was back to school. My little man changed schools this year, and has adjusted so well to his new school. It is quite a small school, and the community there is so great. He is really flourishing and has made a ton of great new friends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

September was a hard month for me emotionally. There was a lot that went on in my family, and my sister bore the brunt of it. She is so strong and amazing. The love in her heart is so endless. She has her hands full as it is, and I’m not quite sure how she survived September. There are a lot of on going issues with my mother, and unfortunately she is in need of help that neither my sister or I are able to provide to her and she refuses to find herself. September was the crux of the issues. I am so thankful that my sister and I have one another, and our amazing dad, to lean on

October was thankfully a brighter, happier month in my life. C and I enjoyed some Friday night high school football games, watching a friends son play varsity football. I joined a lovely website for single parents to network and support one another, and inadvertently met an amazing man in Sushi Boy. Our first date lasted an entire weekend. After that weekend I knew that someone special had entered my life. Well, two special someones. Not only did I gain an amazing boyfriend, I get an extra cool 9 year old boy to spend time with too!

Less than a week after meeting, Sushi Boy took me to his friend’s Halloween party, and he told me he loved me. I chastised him for telling me that so soon into our relationship, but secretly I was giddy. (This picture would be great, if I didn’t have a beer in my hand!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next day as Sushi Boy hauled me to the Emergency Room I told him I loved him too. It was a scary thing to say one week into a relationship, but that was how I felt. I was totally and completely in love with him already.

November and December have been amazing times with Sushi Boy and the C-Men. We all got to spend Thanksgiving together with Sushi Boy’s family. Sushi Boy took us all fishing (we didn’t catch anything.) Sushi Boy, Christian and I travelled to my hometown together to celebrate my favorite aunt’s 50th Birthday, and we were all snowed in together for the better part of 2 weeks. We had a lovely White Christmas together.

These last 2 months have been pure heaven. Thank you so much, Sushi Boy, for an incredibly holiday season. Being with you and the boys is the best gift a woman could ask for. I’m so excited to see what 2009 has in store for us and the boys!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy New Year, friends! I am so grateful for all you wonderful people that I have had the opportunity to meet through this blog, and all of my beautiful friends I have in my life. It amazes me that you read my blabber, but I don’t think any less of you for it! I hope you all have a lovely New Years Eve, and stay safe! I’ll see you on the flip side!

More Randomness November 17, 2008

 

 

 

 

 

I was given this award by Cape Cod Gal at Diamond in the Rough. I found her blog through Sassy Mama Says. Both of these ladies are pure craziness, and I love them for that. If I were Bi (bi-coastal, that is, dirty minds…) we’d totally be BFF’s.

So because I was awarded and tagged by Cape Cod Gal, I now get to faciniate and delight you with some random facts about yours truly.

*In 7th grade I had a 3rd boob removed from my right armpit. All it looked like was extra fatty tissue, but it was in factbreast tissue. I still have a ginormous scar from it. Guys tend to say, “Man, why’d you get rid of it?!?” to which I reply, “No one would date a freak with 3 boobs!” (If I already posted about this, my apologies. Too lazy to go back and look.)

*I hate checking my voice mail. I want to permanently turn it off. I can see who’s call I missed. 95% of the time the message is, “Hi Brooke, this is __________. Give me a call back when you get a minute.” No information I didn’t have before listening to the voice mail. Just a waste of time if you ask me. Text messaging though, that I can’t live without.

*I really disliked Angelina Jolie until Saturday. Sushi Boy and I went and saw “The Changeling,” and it was a masterpiece. Angelina did a fantastic job in this film. You have to see it! It’s a movie that makes you feel so emotionally vulnerable, especially as a parent. I cried on numerous occasions (and almost threw up a few times.) Sushi Boy said he didn’t cry, but I’d be willing to bet he at least teared up.

And fashion in the film is incredible!

*I am totally brain dead today. I think I got too much sleep over the weekend. I got almost 16 hours of sleep on Saturday night (!!!) (We didn’t get to go salsa dancing, Sushi Boy woke up with Pink Eye Saturday morning) and then 10.5 last night. I think I’m still in sleep mode.

*The first time I ever bowled was for my 8th birthday party. The first ball I threw was a strike! Ya, we had bumpers, but still pretty damn impressive if you ask me!

*My dad puts ketchup on almost everything. Seriously. I remember dinners as a kid, and Dad getting super stoked because it was an “All Ketchup Night!” An example of an All Ketchup Night menu would be: pork chops, green beans and fried potatoes. Yes, he put ketchup on green beans. And I learned to do it. And it is delicious!

*I am a freak about Christmas! I am already so excited about it. I want to put up a tree right now, and stay home every day until Christmas staring at it and drinking coffee with Bailey’s, while listening to Rocking Around the Christmas Tree.

I will give everyone who reads this the above award, because I’m sure that I have read your blog and I love it. Please post this award on your blog, and give us some randomness on you!

Happy Monday! (If that isn’t an oxymoron…)

I’ve Been Tagged November 7, 2008

Tiff, as I like to call her, at My Random Wisdom tagged me. This is the first time I’ve been tagged, so I’m pretty sure all I have to do is what she did, which is share with you 7 random snippets of information about myself.

• I have totally become the girls that I hate. The ones that get a boyfriend, and that is all she can talk about. My conversations have become, “Sushi Boy is so wonderful, he did _____” “Sushi Boy said ______ and it was so funny!” “Sushi Boy is so amazing, he ______________.” But Sushi Boy is so wonderful, funny and amazing. I am completely infatuated with him. And now I see why those girls act the way I am acting. I won’t hate on them anymore.
• My mouse at work sucks ass. It is wireless and the censor plugs into a USB port on my tower. Well my tower is on the left hand side of my desk and my mouse is halfway across my desk on my right hand side. The censor is too far from the mouse. I have to hit, drop and pound the mouse about 50 times a day to make it work. Every day I threaten to throw it through my monitor, and then it starts working again. Bastard mouse.
• I hate it when people tell me, “Wow! You’re tall!” No shit? You don’t think I’ve figured that out in the past 28 years? You know, not being able to find pants that are long enough and being taller than 90% of the worlds population really never clued me into the fact that I’m tall. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love being tall, but when a woman is 6 feet tall she KNOWS that she’s tall. The air up here does not dumb me down.
• “Don’t Stop Believin’,” by Journey is currently my favorite song to O.D. on.
• I’m a concert junkie. I love live music. My mom started taking my sister and I to concerts when I was 7, and I was hooked after that first Richard Marx concert. I’ve probably seen over 150 different artists live. I’ll have to make a list someday.
• I love lists.
• My body temperature runs usually one degree higher than the norm. This was super handy to have at my disposal in elementary school. I was often bored because I was a little smarty pants. When I got bored, I’d go to the nurse’s office and she’d stick one of those dot thermometers on my forehead. Between my normally high temperature, and the vagueness of the dot thermometers, I would inevitably end up on my sofa reading or watching tv within 30 minutes. It was pretty pimp.

I’m not going to tag anyone, but just ask you all to share with me one random fact about yourself! C’mon…you know you want to!

The Adventures of Sushi Boy and the C-Men November 4, 2008

I’ve been trying to think of a good nickname for my new man friend. Not to use in real life, but to use on here. He knows about my blog, and has read it. Just because I am okay putting intimate details of my life on the internet doesn’t mean I expect all of the people in my life to be subjected to being exposed on my blog. I’m pretty sure that my new man friend wouldn’t have a problem with it, but just to be on the safe side, I will from here on out call him Sushi Boy.

The first few times Sushi Boy and I talked he was either eating sushi, or talking about going to get sushi. I sent him an instant message on day saying, “Hi Sushi Boy!” and replied, “Hey Sexy! Hey, that sounds like a super hero duo: Sexy and Sushi Boy! You can be the boss, I’ll be your sidekick.”

The first weekend Sushi Boy and I met we took our boys to the beach. On the way back we stopped to use the bathroom and get something to drink. I opened the back door for the boys to get out. I will often call Christian C-Man. I was about to say, “Come on C-Man,” when I realized both boys names start with C. So, without stopping to think, I said, “Come on C-Men!” I laughed so hard I had tears rolling down my face. Sushi Boy didn’t quite understand why I said what I had said, but was laughing at me laughing so hard. Sushi Boys name starts with a C as well. So, when I refer to them all together, they shall be my C-Men.

This is too fun!

So over Halloween! October 29, 2008

As much as I want to go on and on and on about how wonderful my new man friend is, I won’t bore you with the repetition of my giddiness. He is SO amazing though. I feel so lucky.

Anyhow… is anyone else sick of Halloween yet? I know some people really love it, but I don’t see the appeal. I’m usually good for one Halloween party, and then Trick or Treating. This year the annual Halloween party that I go to was a week earlier than it normally is. No big deal, good times were had! Then some other acquaintances decided to throw a family oriented Halloween party last weekend. (Which wasn’t so family oriented after all…hm.) C doesn’t have school on Halloween, so their Harvest Party aka Halloween Party is Thursday. So Thursday he will dress up for school, and then again Friday for Trick or Treating with his dad.

This will be my first Halloween Night without the little man in many years. Normally we go over to Leann’s and Trick or Treat around her neighborhood. Since I am without C this year, I am going to go to another adult Halloween party, this one with my new man friend. I am really looking forward to the party and meeting his friends. But I’m over Halloween! I’m ready for Christmas! Can we get that started now?!?

Answer to Pop Quiz October 20, 2008

That quote is from the best movie ever, according to me. It is from Cinderella, the Shelly Duvall’s Faerie Tale Theater version. This was a show (apparently) on in the early 80’s. My sister and I however had it on a VHS tape that my mom had recorded from a video we had rented. It stars Jennifer Beals as Cinderella and Matthew Broderick as Prince Charming. There are a slew of other actors in the movie that you’d recognize from other 80’s gigs. It is pure genius. My sister and I must have watched that movie a gazillion times, which actually is not an exaggeration. I’m sure that given the opportunity, Brandi and I could recite this movie line by line for you.

This movie is so beautifully done, especially if you keep in mind that it was 1985. I was never into the big princessey fairy tale thing that a lot of girls get into, which is surprising since I am such a girly girl. This movie was magic though. I wanted to be Cinderella. (It helped that this wasn’t too long after I had seen Flashdance.)

In the scene that this quote is from, the Fairy Godmother has just poofed into the kitchen where Cinderella is crying by the fire, because the Wicked Stepmother and Wicked Stepsisters have just left for the ball without her. The Fairy Godmother asks Cinderella why she is crying. Cinderella responds between sobs that she wants to go to the ball, but you can’t understand what she is saying. The Fairy Godmother then says, “You want a ball? A round, sort of bouncy thing?” with a super cute southern drawl.

I found the movie on Amazon, but it’s like 45 bucks! So, I’m having my sister mail me our old VHS version. I hope it still works!

Fake Friends: Kira October 6, 2008

Friendships have changed a lot in the last ten years for me. At 18, I was in my first 2 weeks at college and friendships were what they always had been. Emotional connections and relationships with people who were physically present in my life. Since then, I have realized that the physical presence of someone isn’t necessary for you to create a bond with them. Thanks to technology, people can befriend someone on the other side of the globe or start a relationship with someone they have only seen emailed photos of. I’ve done both.

When I was pregnant with my son (a gazillion years ago) I stumbled upon a website called BabyZone. The website was incredibly informative. My poor 20 year old mind had no idea what was involved in pregnancy and BabyZone fed my craving for knowledge. It also became a website that introduced me to a group of women who will always be dear to me. I think at one time we had close to 50 women in our group. 50 women who had all had babies within 6 months of one another. Women who’s ages spanned 20 years, but hearts were all in the same place. We all met posting on a message board aimed at women who were due to give birth in the same month. After the births, we were all put into a group of women who had babies in the Spring or Summer of that one year.

Over the course of the past 9 years, women have joined our group and left our group. These women have all become my friends. We may have never met in person and we may not even talk anymore, but these women touched my life. There was one woman in particular who I created a very strong bond with.

I remember the first post that she ever replied to. It was a survey kind of post, and one of the questions asked what your kids favorite song was. Her reply was that her son was really into “Country Grammar,” by Nelly. Of course it caught my attention, because it was one of my sons fathers favorites. As much as I love the other women on our board, I always felt a little out of place because I was so young. I was in a relationship with a man who was not your stereotypical father. We were inexperienced in the ways of the world, and had very different intrests than most of the other mothers. They never made me feel different, I just did. Until that day that Kira posted.

After Kira’s first post, we became fast friends. We posted messages back and forth to one another constantly. We instant messaged daily. I knew everything about her life. Her husband Chris, her twin daughters Kait and Jenna, and her son Cameron, who was just a few days younger than Christian. Chris was a lot like Matt. Chris was into the hip hop scene, young and immature, but a good man and a good father. Eventually Matt and Chris even started talking daily.

Kira and I talked daily for a few years. Posts became emails, and instant messages became text messages. We knew the ins and outs of each others daily life. We had so much in common. We shared an interest in pop music aimed at generation younger than us. We would talk fashion for hours, dissecting the seasons newest trends. She was a west coast girl too, so our conversations often focused on when we were going to get together and meet, and where.

The evening that I broke up with Matt, I ran into my bedroom and Kira was the first person I told. She responded to my text that she had just told Chris that she wanted a divorce. ”What a strange coincidence!” I thought, but was in too much shock to really think much about it. Kira and I virtually had each others back through the subsequent moves and dealings with exes. It was nice to have such a good friend to turn to, who understand exactly what I was going through.

Within a few years of leaving Matt, somethings with Kira started to not make a lot of sense. She started name dropping, which at first had left me incredibly impressed. She had moved from San Francisco after the divorce, to LA to be close to her family. Her new life in LA led her to rub shoulders with some of Hollywood’s elite, and soon she was claiming to be the stylist for an up and coming young actress. She never posted pictures of herself, and rarely of her kids. And when she did, it just didn’t seem right. Of course I didn’t want to think that one of my now best friends had been lying, but slowly and surely the truth was discovered. The ladies on the baby board (as I still refer to it) had been more suspicious than I, and we started doing a little detective work. As it turned out, the Kira Stevens that had become such a presence in my life didn’t exist. Sure, there was someone behind the other side of conversations I had had. Someone who had responded when I told them my most intimate thoughts and secrets. She just was not who she claimed to be.

“Kira Stevens” ended up being a woman who lived in Florida named Rachelle, or something along those lines. Honestly, I don’t remember her real name. I was so hurt, and so jilted that it went in one ear and out the other. Of course I wasn’t the only member of the board to feel betrayed. We all did. I think it just probably stung me a little more than the others, as I had invested years in our friendship.

As silly as it feels to admit this, I still miss her. It’s been probably close to 4 years since we discovered that Kira Stevens was not who she claimed to be, but I do miss her. A month or so ago I tried to email the last email address I had for her, but it was bounced back. I’ve searched for her on MySpace and Facebook, but Kira Stevens doesn’t exist their either. I don’t know what I was hoping to find. That this woman in Florida was still pretending to be someone else? Leading the same ficticious life she made me believe she was leading? That I would find her and be friends with this fake friend of mine once again?

Has this ever happened to you in the Age of the Internet?

One for the Road October 2, 2008

Since moving in August, I have a much longer commute to work and to C’s school and day care. With no traffic, which happens on the occasion that hell has froze over, it takes me 30 minutes to get to C’s school. But WITH traffic, it takes anywhere between 45 minutes to the new record that was set this morning of 90 minutes.

On the weeks that I have C, this is my commute daily: Home to drop of C at school, back track from C’s school to my office. I take my lunch between 2:30 pm -3:30 pm so I can pick up C from school and take him to the sitters, then back to my office, which is a nice 20 miles trip. After work I head back north 10 miles to pick up C from the sitter, then back by my office, and then head another 20 miles south home.

That being said, C and I have been listening to a lot of music these days. I am a technology idiot and have yet to try to comprehend IPods, XM Radio, and Satellite Radio. So we have been shuffling through my very ecclectic CD collection. I am somewhat proud, although slightly embarrassed, to admit that I still have my first three CD’s ever. They are, in order of Coolness, Kris Kross – Jump, Gloria Estafan – The Greatest Hits, and TLC – Ohhhh On the TLC Tip. You don’t have to tell me, I already know what amazing taste I have in music.

Christian has found two songs that are now his favorites: “Come Together”, sung by Aerosmith on the Armageddon Soundtrack (That’s my boy!) and “All-Star” by the Bare Naked Ladies on the Now That’s What I Call Music Vol. 3 CD that I stole borrowed from my mom about 6 years ago.

By looking at my CD collection you would think that someone had compiled it by taking on CD out of 100 different peoples collections. There is no common thread whatsoever. I have everything from Simon and Garfunkle to Lil’Kim, Justin Timberlake to Dirks Bentley, techno to classical. I love it all.

I am finding that some music lends itself more easily to being enjoyed while driving. “All-Star” for example is a great driving song. “Who Will Save Your Soul,” by Jewel…not so much. I feel like the car is really the only acceptable place for me to belt out the melodies, but I tend to drive more slowly when I am singing slow songs. And when I listen to Britney Spears I twirl my head to much, which is not a good thing to do while driving 70mph. (Yes, I love Britney. You can hate if you want, it won’t change my mind.)

So my dear Internet friends, what are some of your favorite songs to drive to? There is nothing that I won’t try, especially when it comes to music!

Who are these sick perverts?!? September 16, 2008

On the part of my blog that only I can see, it tells me what people have searched for to end up on my blog. One of the search queries that shows up almost every day is something along the lines of, “Mom strips for son” or “Mom and son strip show.” Ewww… ew, ew, ew, a thousand times, ew!

I understand how they landed here…because of my post titled, “Mom, what’s a strip club?” They are definitely not finding what they were looking for on this website.

I am a very open minded individual. Most sexually kinky things, I can understand. Not necessarily that I agree with them, and enjoy them, but can understand. To each their own.  Anything involving 1) a child, or 2) members of the same family, is at the top of my sick and twisted list.

If anyone who searched for “mom and son strip together” is reading this, please, do society a favor and RUN to your nearest mental health clinic. You have serious freaking issues!

If you can’t say anything nice September 15, 2008

I really shouldn’t be saying anything at all…

I made it through the concert alive. Barely. No more hard alcohol for Brooke is all I’m going to say. Well, I may give into that down the road. I can firmly say no more Red Bull and Vodka for Brooke. Ever. Ever, ever, ever. Ever.

I could list a whole shit ton of reasons why I can’t say anything nice today. But they wouldn’t be nice things to list. So I won’t say anything at all.

I will tell you that it is a beautiful day today in the Portland metro area. We’re supposed to hit 94 degrees today. Love that.

And…if you haven’t checked out the new series on HBO called True Blood, run to your tv, go to On Demand and watch the first two episodes right now. It is amazing. Of course, thanks to the Twilight Series, I think I am a little obsessed with vampires right now.

So you don’t think I spooned out my uterus August 15, 2008

I am alive! My reproductive organs are all still intact. Not that I will probably ever use them again.

I’m not feeling incredibly creative right now, so let’s just touch on some random thoughts, shall we?

*My dad has a tendency to make shit up. And an even worse tendency to totally convince my sister and I it’s the truth. She sent me a text this morning saying that Dad said Big & Rich (the country duo) had broken up because “Big” was seriously injured, due to being hit by a drunk driver. That story actually has some truth to it. I googled it and found that Big & Rich are taking a year off, so Rich can work on a solo project, and Big is resting his neck which is a reoccurring injury that acts up when he tours, because he was hit by a drunk driver many years ago. Not exactly how Dad portrayed it though. I think he may have a slight flair for the dramatic.

My dad also convinced me I was a quarter African American. Seriously. Just recently. I still really want to believe, even though I have been told otherwise.

*It’s really freaking hot here this week. It was like 100 degrees yesterday, and is supposed to get up to 104 today. And 100 tomorrow. We don’t have dry heat, so it feels like it’s approximately 874 degrees.

* I just recently discovered I have a girl crush. I fell in love with Chelsea Handler (aka Chelsea Lately) and I kind of feel like we were destined to be friends. I’m not into stalking or anything creepy like that, that’s too time consuming. But I really, really think her and I would get along famously. On my To-Do list…must read her book.  I mean, c’mon…the title already makes me think it’s the best book in the universe. It’s titled, “Are you there Vodka? It’s me, Chelsea!” Genius…

*Speaking of books…I’m totally nerding out on books right now. Leann brought me in New Moon, the 2nd book in the Twilight series. I was planning on spending this entire hotass weekend consuming it, but my great friend Jamie (Hi Jamie! I love you!) invited me over tomorrow for a pool party, complete with something called Watermelon Breeze cocktails which sound absolutely way too heavenly to pass up. Plus, I haven’t hung out with Jamie in way too long. She’s kind of one of my most favorite people. Heart of gold I tell, heart of gold!

*And among other newly developed crushes…Adam Carolla. Funniest man ever.

*Is it wrong that I get my pertinent news updates from Perez Hilton, E!, and www.pinkisthenewblog.com? Ya, I didn’t think so either.

Friday Funny Song Lyrics August 1, 2008

Growing updid you ever have songs that you sang the wrong lyrics to? Unknowingly or on purpose? We had a ton. When I refer to my childhood and say ”we” it usually means my sister and I, along with my longtime BFF Quinn and her sister Carly. Quinn and I met in 3rd grade and were pretty inseperable until our Junior year in high school. Even then we still hung out a lot, we just weren’t joined at the hip.  Quinn’s the reason I live in Portland, and one of the people I know will be in my life forever. She is a part of the majority of my memories for the past 20 years.

So…with all of that said. Here are some of my favorite messed up song lyrics that I continue to sing, even though I know better. Some I learned from Quinn and Carly, some I just mis-heard the lyrics. Others are oldies but goodies.

Chicago, Look Away – “If you see me walking by, with a stick stuck in my eye, Look away, Baby look away.”..

I think Quinn and Carly’s dad created this one. It’s by far one of my favorites. I have my own mental music video that plays when I hear this song.

Huey Lewis and the News, I Want a New Drug – “I want a new truck- one that won’t spill.
One that don’t cost too much, or come in a pill.
I want a new truck – one that won’t go away,
One that won’t keep me up all night, one that won’t make me sleep all day.”

This is what I thought the song said when I was a wee lass. My parents never corrected me, because obviously they didn’t want their cute little curly haired daughter singing about drugs. But it would have been cool if my mom would have told me before…oh I was 14. I’m sure that you can imagine what a crazy thing I thought trucks were as a kid hearing this song. They come in a pill?!? They can keep you up all night? How do they spill? If there’s too much in the back?

Belinda Carlisle, Circle in the Sand – “Pickle in the Sand, Round and Round…” I think this one was Carly’s invention. Can’t eat a pickle or stick my toes in the sand without hearing this song in my head!

Childrens Song, Unknown Writer, I’m Not Perfect – “I’mso perfect and I know I always will be! I’mso perfect, I know it’s true. Sisters and brothers, even dads and mothers all make mistakes, but I do not!”

This is a song that my sister and I learned in our 5 gazillion years of pre-school. (I swear I was in pre-school for at least 10 years) The actual song is a cute little childrens song about not trying to be perfect. The actual lyrics are, “I’m not perfect and I know I never will be! I’m not perfect, I know it’s true! Sisters and brothers, even dads and mothers all make mistakes, and I do too!”

My sister and me…we’re some funny kids.

Beck, Loser – “So….ooooopen the dooor, I’m a loser baby, so why don’t ya kill me?” On our 8th grade field trip, the group of friends I was sitting with spent the majority of the 4 hour bus ride trying to figure out these lyrics. Too bad they were in Spanish and none of us knew it was actually, “Soy un perdedor!”

Then there are the obvious…”There’s a bathroom on the right,” ” Excuse me, while I kiss this guy,” and the like.

What are your favorite misunderstood song lyrics?

Odd Things That Make Me Smile July 30, 2008

In light of trying to be a more positive, happy person again I have decided to write a short list of things that make me happy that I can reflect upon when I start being negative. I’m not going to throw the usual, “My son” “My friends and family” on this list, because that’s kind of a given.

Polka dotted umbrellas

Miracle Whip…that’s right, no mayo for me!

Tube socks, they remind me of my dad

Monkeys in hats, or clothes of any kind for that matter

The song, “Freeze Frame” by the J. Giles Band. The video used to freak me out as a kid, but now the memory makes me giggle

The word “giggle”

Big 80’s hair

Drink umbrellas

Office supplies, bonus points if they are “cute” office supplies

Cowboys…not old west cowboys, but modern day cowboys.

Hiccups

Live music

Gerber Cherry Juice…I don’t know if they still even make it, but until my sister and I were in junior high my grandmother would keep these tiny baby juice sized bottles of it around for us. It would be delicious with a little cherry vodka and soda in it!

Typing very quickly without making a mistake (I totally made a mistake typing this sentence! Go figure!)

The Wizard of Oz…it was an essential part of my childhood.

When someone remembers the TV show, “Today’s Special!” It was on Nickelodeon when I was a kid, and sometimes I think my sister and I are the only people in the world that remember that show.

Public Transportation and the people who use it. I was pleasantly surprised when I moved to Portland and realized that people who take public transportation aren’t dirty and creepy. They’re usually incredibly cool and helpful!

People who wave in traffic when you let them over. It is so rare that this one really, truly makes my day! I always give the Thank You Wave. My son still asks me who I’m waving to!

A few cool things… May 19, 2008

So this weekend a couple of cool things happened that I would like to share:

 

Cool thing #1:

I saw Jenny (yes, again, of Jenny and the Dustholes!) (Jenny pays me $5 everytime I mention her name.)

Cool thing #2:

I stayed at my friend Jen’s place across the river on Saturday night, and had to go through downtown Portland along the waterfront, through downtown to the otherside of town to get to my Matt’s place in the ‘burbs on Sunday. As I was along the waterfront and weaving through the blocks of downtown there were a ton of cops blocking roads, and roads closed. I knew it was too soon for the Rose Parade so I was confused as to why I had to zig-zag my way through town. Fast forward about 12 hours to last night as I was watching the 11 o’clock news and saw the AMAZING crowd that had gathered along the waterfront to see Barack Obama campaigning. If only I was in the political loop, I would have stopped and enjoyed a little piece of history. But I was *this close* to Obama. Damn it.

4 Things… May 16, 2008

4 things all about me!

I’m always down to write about myself. Talking about myself, not so much. So, here is a short survey all about moi!

4 things I did 10 years ago: (1998 )

1. Graduated high school. With honors. Yep, that’s right, I was a smarty-pants.

2. Went to Mexico for the first time, which in turn required me to ride on an airplane for the first time. It was a great trip, I think…

3. Broke up with The World Worst Boyfriend. Wow, he was really craptastic! I’m happy to report that I have been in touch with him lately, and he has finally pulled his life together, which makes me happy.

4.  Ventured out into the real world, and lived on my own for the first time. Well, if you call having a kick ass roommate, and living in a dorm with 60 or so other people “alone.”

4 things I did 5 years ago: (2003)

1. Went to Fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada for the first time and fell in love. With the city, not a man.

2. Dated 3 men at the same time! I was newly single after leaving C’s dad, and was trying to date which was new to me. I actually successfully dated them all without the others knowing!

3. Got my heart broken for the first time. His name was Paul. It was a whirlwind love affair that forever changed my life. He’s now married (of course he is) and I, am still trying to date. Lovely…

4. Missed my son like crazy! Like I said, I had just left C’s dad and we split custody 50/50. Going from being with him every evening and weekend to only half of that and working full time was absolute hell! That must be why I kept myself busy dating 3 guys.

4 things I did yesterday:

1. Watched my son and his dad’s fiance’s son at their place so they could go to a concert. Yes, I watch her son on occasion. Matt and I have a great relationship (now that we are just friends) and I really like his fiance.

2. Played Rock Band at Matt’s with C. SO.MUCH.FUN!!!! If I had an extra $600 to blow on something, I would buy an Xbox 360 and Rock Band. C played guitar and I was the singer. It was the best time I have had in a while!

3. Watched P.S. I Love You. Wow….if you ever want to cry, there’s your movie. I just recently watched The Notebook for the first time. This movie blew it out of the water! Hilary Swank did an amazing job, as did most of the rest of the cast. Harry Conick Jr. kind of creeped me out though.

4. Spent the rest of the night after watching P.S. I Love You wishing that I could be married to Jeffrey Dean Morgan. And I would make him play guitar for me. And sing in an Irish accent. Hell, I’d make him use the accent all of the time. I wish he was still on Grey’s Anatomy. He was the hottest man on his death bed EVER!

4 shows I love to watch:

1. Grey’s Anatomy. Sometimes I’d really love to smack a couple of characters on that show, but over all it gives me the warm fuzzies.

2. Rock of Love! I and II. As happy as I am that Brett picked Ambre, I’d like it to not work out for them so there can be a Rock of Love III. I just can’t get enough of that aging rock star in a bandanna and eyeliner. It’s the skankiest dating show on tv and I miss it already.

3. Brothers and Sisters. I always end up crying during this show. I love it. It’s my Sunday night cry-fest. I’ll watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and bawl like a baby at the end of that show. Then cheer up a little while watching Desperate Housewives, then go back to crying again during Brothers and Sisters. It’s not just the fact that the show pulls on my heart strings…the story lines are great and have yet to disappoint. The acting is fantastic, and the dudes are super hot. Plus Sally Field is in it, who totally is rockin at her age.

4. The Soup. Joel McHale makes me laugh and lust all at the same time. Now, he’s not your typical hot guy, but his witty cynicism really does something to me. And he always brings up how vain Tyra Banks is which is good, good stuff!

So there we go! 4 categories of 4 snippets about me! You should do the same and let me know when you’ve posted it on your blog. What?!? You don’t have a blog? You totally should. It’s really fun, and I’d love to read it!

Random Bloggings… April 23, 2008

So…last week after the whole B/Hockey Hag thing my friend Leann sent me a text asking what a hockey hag was. “I have NO idea” was my reply. Then the next text I get from her says “I just googled it, and your blog was the first link that came up!” Oh my goodness!!! So funny! If my blog is the first hit for hockey hag, then I think B made that up!

I’d like to use this open forum to make a public apology to anyone who I have offended by the inappropriate stories I tend to tell after a few cocktails. The kind of stories that would never be told without cocktails. Friday night I was having a few cocktails with Jenny & the Dustholes (we’re coming out with an album soon….watch for it!) and told them a hilarious, yet completely inappropriate story about a sexual experience gone wrong. I started the story with “This is probably more than you guys want to know…” which should have been my clue to stop right where I was and shut my mouth. We all ended up having a good laugh at the story. Yes, it was really funny, and no, I won’t share it here. The next day though, I thought to myself, “Wow, I am sure they could have gone without knowing that!”

Jenny & the Dustholes aren’t the only ones who have had to go through that. I know there are a lot of you out there. So I’m sorry…to you all. I will work on that. I promise. And if you are ever sitting across from me, and I have a martini glass in one hand and start a sentence with “This is probably inappropriate….,” it probably is. And you should probably stuff some flatbread in my mouth!