Must Wear Panties To Breakfast April 3, 2009

Yesterday morning Sushi Boy and I were laying in bed. Both of our stomach’s were growling. I hadn’t eaten much the day before, and we didn’t have anything good in the house. So we decided to go out to breakfast.

I was being lazy, and just threw on a bra and a long dress. I decided it just wasn’t in the cards to go into the attached room that I have turned into my closet to find underwear. The world was not going to end if I didn’t wear underwear to breakfast.

Or was it???

I laid back down on the bed to wait for Sushi Boy to take his dog out to potty, and get dressed. When he comes back in the room, he jumps on me. We wrestle for a minute, and then he hops up and I start to stand up to go, when he catches a glimps of my bare booty.

Sushi Boy: You aren’t wearing any underwear!

Me: I know…

Sushi Boy: Gross!

Me: Gross???

Sushi Boy: Babe…it’s a family restaurant!

Me: (Hysterical laughter for a solid 2 minutes)

Sushi Boy: Is it really that funny?

Me: Oh yes! Yes, it is. Do you think I’m going to hike my dress up and sit with my legs spread at breakfast?!? Seriously???

Sushi Boy: If we were going out to a bar or something, that would be hot. But at breakfast…that’s just kind of dirty.

Me: (Even more hysterical laughter) Fine, I’ll put on a pair of panties. Is a thong okay? Or is that too dirty for breakfast too? (Followed by more hysterical laughter)

Part of the reason why this is soooo amusing to me, is Sushi Boy is one of the most open minded people I have ever met. I could tell him that I wanted to have wild crazy monkey sex with actual monkeys and he would say, “If that is what you are into babe, I’ll see where we can get the monkeys!” and never think any less of me. * So the fact that he was completely appalled by the thought of me going au natural to breakfast, while wearing a dress who’s hem fell well below my knees is hilarious!

I guess there are just some circumstances where panties are required, and breakfast is one of them!

*Disclaimer: In no way, shape or form do monkeys turn me on. Or any animal for that matter. This statement was just used as an example and no actual animals were harmed (or humped) in the re-creation of this story.

Proposing To Sushi Boy January 31, 2009

Sushi Boy told me a few months ago that he will not propose to me. He did it once, and he won’t do it again. I call Bull Shit on this, as he always says it with a cute little smirk on his face. He claims that if we are going to get married, it will be ME proposing marriage to HIM. Again…bullshit.

 

He does like to create elaborate stories about how I will propose to him. Like at the race track, since he has raced all of his life. Or at family functions. His latest fantasy of me proposing to him includes Monster Trucks and a Jumbotron.

 

The other day he asked me to check and see when the Monster Trucks were going to be in town. To my complete delight (driiiiiipping with sarcasm here) they will be in town on Valentine’s Day. Sushi Boy immediately decided that this would be the absolute perfect opportunity for me to propose to him. On the Jumbotron. And he has not let it go. Typically he’ll go on about one of these ideas for a couple of hours. But this one keeps getting brought up over and over and over again.

 

He knows I will not propose to him. He may have done this before, but I have not. I don’t need the fairty tale, but I want the proposal.

 

I have not had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day in like 6 years. And this year I do. And we get to spend it at the oh-so-romantic Monster Truck Jam with our children. Wooohoo!

 

And then this morning he tells me, “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t say yes.” Like propsing to a man at a Monster Truck Jam on a giant screen in front of thousands of people wouldn’t be embarrassing enough! Then he’d say NO??? Oh ya, this is soooooo going to happen!

2008 in Review December 31, 2008

(I don’t know why it staggers the pictures I post like it does! I’ve tried to fix it, and it just doesn’t change! I apologize, it drives me crazy!)

2008 was a tumultuous year for me. It had very high ups and very low downs. Overall, I am glad to see it go!

I started 2008 as the maid of honor in one of my best friends NYE wedding.

 

 

 

 

January was also the month that I turned 28. My friend Liz and I celebrated our birthday’s together, as they are just 10 days apart. (I’m still not quite sure why Leann thought Bunny Ears were a necessity, but they were fun!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

I then, got to celebrate my birthday again with my Girls Night Girls, because 3 of us have birthdays within 2 weeks of one another! My beautiful friends, and fellow Aquarians, Jamie and Jeanette!

 

 

 

 

I decided at 28 I needed to really get serious about taking care of myself. The day after turning 28 I quit drinking and smoking and started running. That lasted for about 2 weeks until my “heart thing” started. Apparently when your heart stops beating every 3-6 beats that can make you black out and requires 2 months of appointments with specialists and tests. Turns out I’m okay, just a slight ventricle problem. All is A-OK now, as long as I don’t drink too much caffeine.

February brought the birth of my gorgeous niece Julia Gulia. I was fortunate enough to be there again when my sister delivered. She is one tough bitch, that sister of mine. I am so incredibly proud of her!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Spring wasn’t incredibly eventful. I started this blog, which I love having. I had started dating B, and was enjoying being healthy. I started drinking little by little again, which lead to smoking again. Bad Brooke. Also, I broke my digital camera sometime in the Spring and there are not a ton of pictures from that time period!

Sadly in April, my dear friend Terri died in a tragic motorcycle accident. I’d never lost anyone unexpectedly and the sadness was intensified by deep guilt as we hadn’t seen one another in almost a year. Terri changed my life in many ways, and she will never be forgotten by any of the lives that she touched.  

 

 

 

 

 

Also in April, one of my best friends Leann gave birth to her second baby girl, and I got to be there when beautiful baby Alyssa made her entrance into this world. Leann was a champ, and both mama and baby were happy and healthy!

In June my beautiful baby boy turned 8 years old. We had a super fun birthday party for him at a pizza parlor with a great play room, including a miniature Ferris Wheel. I unfortunately can’t seem to find pictures of his party. Bad, bad, mom.

The end of June was time for me and a few of my girls to unwind…which meant a nice long weekend in Las Vegas. We relaxed, we partied, we gambled, and we had a great time. We stayed at the beautiful Planet Hollywood Hotel and Resort, and loved every minute of it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The summer of 2008 also brought Christian’s first white water rafting trip. We took a 4 day excursion on the Rogue River with about 20 of our closest friends. C had fun while we were there, but has told me adamantly that he WILL NOT be going next year, because it was too scary. (He didn’t fall out once, and we didn’t go down any rapids that were too treacherous.) I bet once we get some swimming lessons under his belt he’ll be game for it again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In September it was back to school. My little man changed schools this year, and has adjusted so well to his new school. It is quite a small school, and the community there is so great. He is really flourishing and has made a ton of great new friends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

September was a hard month for me emotionally. There was a lot that went on in my family, and my sister bore the brunt of it. She is so strong and amazing. The love in her heart is so endless. She has her hands full as it is, and I’m not quite sure how she survived September. There are a lot of on going issues with my mother, and unfortunately she is in need of help that neither my sister or I are able to provide to her and she refuses to find herself. September was the crux of the issues. I am so thankful that my sister and I have one another, and our amazing dad, to lean on

October was thankfully a brighter, happier month in my life. C and I enjoyed some Friday night high school football games, watching a friends son play varsity football. I joined a lovely website for single parents to network and support one another, and inadvertently met an amazing man in Sushi Boy. Our first date lasted an entire weekend. After that weekend I knew that someone special had entered my life. Well, two special someones. Not only did I gain an amazing boyfriend, I get an extra cool 9 year old boy to spend time with too!

Less than a week after meeting, Sushi Boy took me to his friend’s Halloween party, and he told me he loved me. I chastised him for telling me that so soon into our relationship, but secretly I was giddy. (This picture would be great, if I didn’t have a beer in my hand!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next day as Sushi Boy hauled me to the Emergency Room I told him I loved him too. It was a scary thing to say one week into a relationship, but that was how I felt. I was totally and completely in love with him already.

November and December have been amazing times with Sushi Boy and the C-Men. We all got to spend Thanksgiving together with Sushi Boy’s family. Sushi Boy took us all fishing (we didn’t catch anything.) Sushi Boy, Christian and I travelled to my hometown together to celebrate my favorite aunt’s 50th Birthday, and we were all snowed in together for the better part of 2 weeks. We had a lovely White Christmas together.

These last 2 months have been pure heaven. Thank you so much, Sushi Boy, for an incredibly holiday season. Being with you and the boys is the best gift a woman could ask for. I’m so excited to see what 2009 has in store for us and the boys!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy New Year, friends! I am so grateful for all you wonderful people that I have had the opportunity to meet through this blog, and all of my beautiful friends I have in my life. It amazes me that you read my blabber, but I don’t think any less of you for it! I hope you all have a lovely New Years Eve, and stay safe! I’ll see you on the flip side!

Ah ha! December 10, 2008

Sushi Boy is much more technologically able than I am. Apparently I have to turn the camera ON before  the pictures will download…psssshh…

Here are a few of the pictures from our trip to the coast this last weekend!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sushi Boy, myself and C at Shore Acres. (Please keep in mind we’d just traveled 220 miles!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

My sister and I (and C’s head in the corner.) Apparently there was a memo to put our hands on our hips awkwardly…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sushi Boy and I at my aunt’s party. We’d obviously been enjoying the hosted bar….

 

 

 

 

 

 

For the first time EVER, my sister is a brunette…turns out it’s actually her natural color now! She said she feels much smarter!

 

 

 

 

 

 

My sister’s fiance to the far left, my sister and the birthday girl, aka The Damn Hottest 50 year old I know!

I have more that I will post later.

Haven’t Scared Him Off Yet! December 8, 2008

A conversation with my sister, via text messages this morning.

Me: Sooo….what did you think of Sushi Boy?

Brandi: Hated him.

Me: Really?!?

Brandi: No, silly. He’s cool!

Me: Oh…phew!

Brandi: I think he seems like a good match for you. What did he think of us?

Me: Couldn’t stand you…thought you were trashy. Liked everyone else though.

Brandi: Funny!

Me: He kept telling me how he could see himself living down there. But don’t get your hopes up, if he moves down there, he will be alone. I’m not leaving Portland!

Brandi: LOL Whatever…

And my Dad likes him too!

Me: So, what did you think?

Dad: He’s okay.

Me: Wow, Dad. Don’t be too enthusiastic.

Dad: He’s kinda short and bald. lol

Me: Yes, yes he is. ;0)

(He’s only about an inch shorter than me, which is not really short at all. Dad and I are both just very, very tall.)

Dad: As long as you like him, he’s okay by me!

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Many relatives at my aunts party Saturday night came up to me and told me how much they liked Sushi Boy. He was great. Such a trooper to  meet virtually all of my relatives in one short weekend. I have a ton of great pictures from the weekend, but haven’t been able to upload them yet!

The Verdict Is In! December 3, 2008

Sushi Boy is meeting my family. In all of their lovely craziness.

I got a call this last weekend from one of my aunts, that my other (most wonderfully favorite) Aunt Tammy is celebrating her 50th Birthday this Saturday night. My Aunt Tammy…well, there are not quite words to describe how amazing she is and how much she means to me. My Aunt Tammy and her first husband (who just divorced a few years ago, therefore he will always be my uncle) never had children. My Aunt Tammy and my mother are biological sisters and were adopted together when they were 5 and 6. Although I have many other wonderfully amazing aunts and uncles, Aunt Tammy was always the favorite. She is a second mother to my sister and I. All of our friends call her Aunt Tammy, and are always envious of having such a great aunt.

Anyhow…Sushi Boy, Christian and I are headed South Friday after work to participate in the birthday festivities! This means that Sushi Boy will be meeting my entire family. My big scary teddy bear of a dad, my amazing sister and her 29 kids, my aunts, my uncles, my grandma, my cousins. All of them.

I’m so excited. But at the same time a little nervous. (Okay, more than a little) I really love this man, and so desparately hope that my family and him like each other. I really don’t see why they wouldn’t. But I’m still keeping my fingers crossed!

This is my sister, my beautiful Aunt Tammy and I on Christmas Day last year. My sister was very pregnant, and yes, I am totally a giant!

Moving In December 2, 2008

What is the “appropriate” time to move in with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Of course there are those out there who believe in waiting until marriage. I have a child and have never been married, so obviously I’m not of that mindset!

Now calm down. I am certainly not saying I am going to move in with Sushi Boy next week. I’ve moved in with a boyfriend too soon in the past, and well, obviously that didn’t turn out well. Granted the man was a complete moron. And I was a bit of a moron myself at the time and had gigantic blinders on. When someone has a shrine in the living room up of their deceased spouse, that’s a good sign that they aren’t ready to move on yet.

I’ve never done anything the “traditional” way before. Matt and I moved to Portland together after 2 months of dating, moved in together, and found out we were pregnant less than a week later. C and I lived alone for over 4 years, and then moved in with the moron after only dating for 2 weeks. That lasted a few months, and C and I have been alone since. It’s apparent that I jump the gun. I don’t want to move too soon on this, I want this to work.

I know that waiting until the relationship has been through some trying times is a good idea. That sounds smart. I/we’ve been at his house for ohh…a long time now. Let’s just say I don’t remember exactly the last time was that I spent a night at my house. It feels like I am just paying for a very expensive closet right now. I’m not going to use the financial aspect as a reason to move in soon, although it certainly is something to consider down the road.

Of course we both have boys, so we would need to make sure they were okay with moving in together. I can’t imagine them not being okay with it. Every time one of them is with us and the other is not, it is, “Why isn’t C here? When is he coming back?” Living together full time would be different, I’m sure.

So lovely internets, how long was it before you moved in with your significant other/spouse? Would you have waited longer in retrospect?

Making the Hard Decisions November 25, 2008

Sometimes I really don’t like being a grown up.

Friday I had to make the decision to NOT go to San Francisco. I had to disappoint my son and my sister. I really dislike disappointing people. Of course I was disappointed as well. I had (obviously) been very excited for this trip, for the time with my sister, and for the experiences with my son.

Buuuut…I had to make the decision not to go. It was the financially responsible decision to make. I hate making decisions based on finances, but sometimes you just have to do that. And I guess that is the part of being a grown up that I don’t like. I’d like to be able to make it just on Do I Want To? If I do want to, then I do. But that is not the way the world works, is it folks?

It is a bit of a blessing in disguise that we didn’t go though, because Sunday afternoon my munchkin started getting sick. Fever, sore throat, general ickiness. He had what I call, “Sick Eyes.” You can fake a lot of ailments as a child, but you can’t fake Sick Eyes. He had those glassy, trying really hard to keep his eyes opened eyes. Actually, he kind of looked like he had been taking the pot (as my favorite aunt calls it) minus the red.

He stayed home from school yesterday and I stayed home from work. Typically I hate staying home from work, even if it is for a legitimate reason. But, since most of the people at the office hadn’t really planned on me being in anyway, it wasn’t a big deal.

We were at Sushi Boy’s place on Sunday, so munchkin and I spent our sick day there yesterday. We vegged and watched movies. I cleaned Sushi Boy’s kitchen…whew…that was an event. I should have taken before and after pictures! Sushi Boy did not ask me to do clean his kitchen, but I wanted to be able to have a home cooked meal in it. It looks phenomenal now, and Sushi Boy made a yummy yummy spaghetti dinner last night.

So even though I had to make the hard decision to not go to the Bay Area for T-Day, I think it is for the best. Well, I know it is for the best. Sushi Boy’s parents invited C and I to spend Thanksgiving with them and their extended family. I’m excited about that. I did offer to bring a dish though, so let’s hope that pans out well! lol Wish me luck!

The H Word November 17, 2008

A text conversation that just happened between me and Sushi Boy:

Me: How long does it take to get to X Restaurant from your house?

SB: 6 hours…(TOTAL exaggeration)

Me: Sweet, so I should have been home 3.5 hours ago?

Me: Uh…I just called your house home. Damn you for being so incredible!

He did last week so I don’t feel so bad. He did it first. I like to let the man say all of the big 4 letter words first. Home, Love, Ours, Marriage, Forever. I know those last 2 aren’t 4 letter words, but they should be.

1,2,3,4 Get Your Booty On The Dance Floor November 13, 2008

“Work it out! Shake it ‘lil mama, let me see you do the Jane Fonda!”

If you know what song that’s from I love you! If you don’t, it’s a song called “Jane Fonda,” by Mickey Avalon. Sushi Boy and I are going to see him in concert tomorrow night with my favorite cousin Jake and a few of his friends who are coming up from Hicksville. I am sooo looking forward to this. I haven’t been to a show since RockFest in September, and well…there are parts of that I don’t remember so well. But anyway, I’m super stoked to see Mickey Avalon in concert and that Sushi Boy is coming with me. He’ only ever been to 3 concerts, in his entire life!

And if that isn’t fun enough, Sushi Boy and I are going to go Salsa dancing on Saturday if Sushi Boy can get a sitter for his Little C-Man. Of all of the dancing I’ve done, I’ve never done the Salsa. I think they have lessons, so that will be fun. Sushi Boy told me when we first met, “I don’t dance!” Within a few hours of that he changed his mind and told me he may give it a try for me! If that ain’t love…

It’s Official! November 12, 2008

Sushi Boy and I totally kick ass at Pictionary!

We had dinner at one of my friends houses last night, and then we all played Pictionary. To be fair, it was a really close game. My friend and her husband are both great artists, so I kinda thought we’d be screwed. After a really, really, really crappy first turn (I tried to draw a panther, and it looked nothing like a panther!) I thought we were done for. But we came back and won!

It was a relief to know that it wasn’t just that first game we played. We officially rock as Pictionary partners!

Pictionary Chemistry November 10, 2008

Friday was Sushi Boy’s moms birthday, and Sunday was Sushi Boy’s birthday. To celebrate both, his family decided on dinner and game night on Saturday. My son and I were invited.

I had met his parents, one of his sisters and her kids the previous weekend. Saturday was the whole immediate family. The 2nd sister and her kid too. What could have been an uncomfortable, intimidating evening was a wonderful, fun evening with SB’s family. His family is so much fun, and so very welcoming.

After dinner we played a game of Pictionary. After a bit of a slow start, Sushi Boy and I kicked ass! We were an awesome pair. I can’t claim that we won the game, because none of us could decide on the actual rules, so we just kind of made them up as we went along. (Although I’m pretty sure that I know the rules, and we were definitely not playing by them, I didn’t want to be the Know-It-All new girlfriend.)  We were a dynamic duo!

If Pictionary chemistry is any indication of relationship chemistry, Sushi Boy and I have it in spades!

Maybe I can get a grant to conduct a study on this. Partners who excel at board games together tend to have more successful marriages/relationships? What do you think? Does that seem the case with you and your significant other/partner or previous partners?

Hell to the Ya! November 5, 2008

There are not adequate words to explain the sense of relief and happiness I have felt since last night when Barack Obama was declared our 44thPresident of the United States of America. I kept looking at Sushi Boy as we were watching Obamas speech, repeating, “I am SO happy!”

This was one of those mornings that just felt like all was right with the world (even though I know that’s not the case, it felt like it.) We have a dynamic man stepping up to run our country and I have a dynamic man stepping into my life making my world an amazing place.

I am ridiculously optimistic on both fronts.

Am I the only one who thinks Mr. Obama is definitely the hottest Pres we’ve had since JFK? Handsome men tend to be more successful men. I am a little concerned about what Michelle Obama was wearing last night though. It was very cute, don’t get me wrong, but only appropriate if her and Mr. President were going to a hip restaurant for dinner and cocktails. Not appropriate for the biggest night of her life. I would have like to have seen her in something similar to what Palin was rocking.

But I disgres. Thank you to everyone out there who did their part and voted! And encouraged others to vote. You are all responsible for this smile on my face today!

Awe November 3, 2008

So, my new man friend is wonderful. He has an amazingly big heart, and makes me feel so great. I can’t remember the last time, if ever, I have felt like this.

Friday night we went to his friends’ Halloween party. It was a great time. His friends were all very welcoming and friendly. I don’t think I did anything horrific. He was great at making sure I was comfortable and having a good time. It was a great night.

Saturday morning I woke up to intense lower abdominal pain. More specifically, it felt like my IUD had declared war on my uterus. I had had similar pains Friday morning. Saturday morning was more intense, along with side effects that are pretty gnarly and I won’t go into details. I tried taking ibuprofen, and it didn’t do anything for the pain. Upon my new man friends prompting I called my doctor, who as it turns out isn’t with the clinic anymore. The nurse who answered the phone was going to call the on-call doctor and call me back. I had spoken with my sister afterwards, who is NOT a doctor, but plays one on TV, and she suggested I should probably just go into the ER. After an hour of not hearing back from them, my new man friend (who I’m not sure what to call on here yet) said, “Let’s just go to the ER.”

When we were on our way to the ER, the docs office called me back with instructions to, “Go to the ER and have your IUD removed.” Fun!

My new man friend spent about 6 hours with me at the hospital. He stayed by my side through all of it. At first I was slightly mortified, as not only was this only a week into our relationship that he was with me at the ER, but I was having some weird uterine/vagina/birth control problem. It’s not like I was there because I had strep throat. He got to hear all of the gory details about what was going on with my reproductive organs and my girly parts. He was there when my feet were up in stirrups, every intimate part of me exposed to the free world (he was at the other end of the table though, being a gentleman.) He dealt with me all looped up on Percoset. And you know what? We had a great time! We were laughing and talking through the whole experience. I couldn’t have asked for more.

After I was finally released from the ER, with repeated reminders that, “YOU ARE NOT ON BIRTH CONTROL! YOU CAN BE IMPREGNATED! USE CONDOMS!!!!” from the doctor and nurse, my new man friend kindly took me to Girls Night, as I couldn’t drive because of the pain killers. Jen’s boyfriend was rumored to have been coming to Girls Night too, and I okay’ed it that my new man friend could come with the other girls.

He totally passed the test! My girls put him through the ringer. Every single question the girls shot at him, he passed with flying colors. He got along great with them, and they told me that they approved. No man has ever so thoroughly passed the friends test.

Do you know what he passed up to spend the day in the ER with me, and the night with my girlfriends? Free concert tickets to see one of his favorite bands, Metallica. Great seats, too! I really, really tried to convince him that he needed to go to the concert, and I’d be just fine on my own. But he wouldn’t even consider going to the concert. It was so selfless, and so touching.

By yesterday I was feeling much better. Just a little crampy. We went to his niece’s soccer game, where I met his mom, dad, sister, nephew and niece. Wow. I was so nervous. They were all very nice though. After the game, we all went to Chinese together. It was a fun lunch. After lunch we went back to his parents house, and I got to know his mom. He and his mom are on a Sunday night bowling league together, and I was invited to join them for that. It was a great day. I really, really like his family. I LOVE that they are all so close. They made me feel very welcome. I hope that they like me half as much as I like them.

I am completely smitten. Totally in awe of this man who in just a little over a week has made me so incredibly happy.

Meeting the Friends October 31, 2008

Tonight I am going to my new man’s friend’s Halloween party. And I’m nervous. I don’t get nervous a lot, but I’m pretty freaked out by this. It’s one thing to meet one friend at a time, or even a couple at a time. But I think they will all be at this party. Not only is it a Halloween party, it’s also an early birthday party for my man friend.

First impressions are important. I really want his friends to like me. They are so important to him, which I love. He speaks so highly of them, you can tell they are a part of his family.

I’m normally a pretty confident person and can hold my own in a room full of strangers. I know that I’m not going to do anything stupid, like inadvertently insult anyone or ignore all rules of polite society. I’m a friendly person, I know how to ask questions that are leading so we don’t end up in dead end conversations.

I am, however, likely to:

Fall. I am an uber-klutz. Add any amount of alcohol and I am ever klutzier. And I will be wearing flats, which I NEVER wear and kind of forgot how to walk in.

Forget everyone’s names and/or call someone the wrong name.

Talk about something really inappropriate. For some reason after a drink or two, I tend to think that things that are typically not appropriate to talk about are. Or that things are funnier than they really are.

So, wish me luck! I’ll report back, and hopefully my new man friend will still be around!

I’m not myself lately I’m foolish, I don’t do this … October 28, 2008

Things that I have done in the past 4 days have been completely out of character for me. I went on a first date:

1) With no make up on. None. Not even mascara.

2) In clothes I had worn the night before that smelled like campfire.

3) With my son in tow.

Who am I?

What has gotten into me?

What I think is this: I think I knew something was there when we first talked on the phone. I think I knew that he would have to see through the makeup and the composed Brooke eventually, let’s put it out in the open. I think I was thinking that if he was going to be around for a while, he’d have to like my son, and more importantly my son would have to like him. I think that I was done trying to impress men.

And so far, so good! SO good.

The Rollercoaster Ride of Dating October 24, 2008

 Dating is hilarious. I wrote this post on Wednesday, and didn’t actually post it. But now it makes for an even better story!

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Um, wow. Wow, wow, wow. Sometimes I love the crap out of life! Okay, most of the time I love the crap out of life, but lately the good things have been few and far between.

Last night I went out for a beer with my good friend Leann after work, while she killed some time before a date with her husband. We went to a small bar close to our office, and a good friend of mine was there. I wasn’t incredibly surprised to see her there, as she was the one that introduced me to that particular bar. It’s nothing special, but the bartenders are nice and don’t let you sit for more than a minute or two without a fresh beer in front of you. A nice place for a nice, mellow Tuesday after work beer.

It was time for Leann to go meet her husband, so I wondered over to where my other friend was playing some video poker. I sat next to her and started talking to her and another woman from out of town. We talked and talked and talked as they played, and were having a great time. About an hour into the gab fest, I noticed that the guy at the end machine kept looking at me. Like more often than a typical, Hey You’re Cute, flirty look. It wasn’t creepy or anything, as he would smile, and looked like a genuinely nice guy. I continued talking with my friend, and our new friend, but was paying more attention to how often this cute boy was looking at me. After about an hour of watching him sneak glances at me, he got up to go to the restroom. I interrupted the story that my friend was telling me, and told her about this guy. I told her, ” That cute guy at the end machine keeps looking at me and smiling a lot. I can’t tell if he’s interested, or maybe I know him from somewhere. Oh my god! What if I’ve slept with him?!?” She laughed, and then the guy came back from the bathroom.

So, the guy sits down one machine closer to where my friend is playing, so he is right next to her. My friend looks at me, eyebrows raised, then looks at him and says, “Hi. Have you met my friend Brooke?” The guy reaches out his hand across her to me and smiles, almost laughingly at me, and says, “Hi, I’m Jeff.” And that is when it all came back to me. I turned about 50 shades of red. I reach out and shake his hand and say, “I know you, don’t I?” to which Jeff responds, “Yes you do!”

Yes, I did know him. Yes, I had slept with him. Yes, I had sat in a bar looking at a man for hours and not realized that I had been in incredibly intimate situations with this man before. And yes, I had totally forgotten him.

I think the next part of the conversation from my end was something along these lines, “Oh my god. I’m such an ass. I’m so sorry, I’m so embarrassed. I’m such an ass. I’m such an ass. I am so sorry.” Jeff is shaking his head, laughing a little bit, reassuring me that it is quite alright, and that he does not think that I am an ass.

We went through a few minutes of conversation, confirming how we knew one another, “You’re friends with Steve right?” “Ya!” “And it was Halloween?” “Ya! You were dressed up as a really hot cat.” “Yes!” I said, feeling a bit more confident that I had indeed placed him correctly. Finally. Also a bit more self-conscious, because that vinyl cat dress stopped fitting about 20 pounds ago.

I am still completely flustered at this point, and excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I walk into the bathroom and laugh hysterically at myself for about 3 good solid minutes before I fixed my hair, apply some lip gloss and then join my two “old friends.”

I sat next to Jeff this time, and things felt a bit more relaxed. We tried to figure out just how many years it had been…3? Maybe 4? We caught up on what we’d each been up to. How are mutual friends were doing. Then came the big question, as Jeff spotted my big fake CZ on my right hand. “So, are you single?” he asked. “I am,” I replied. “Good, me too,” was his response. “Well, I’m glad I decided to stay then, ” I said. “I wouldn’t have let you leave without talking to you,” he assured me.

The whole time we’re talking he is staring at me, smiling. Not breaking eye contact at all,  smiling like I’ve just told him he won the Publisher’s Clearing House prize. Finally, I had to ask him. “What? You’re kind of freaking me out just staring at me!” I joked with him. “I just can’t believe you are really here. I lost your number, and then couldn’t figure out how to get a hold of you. I tried, I really did. For a long time. I had so much fun with you. I really liked you, and I just can’t believe you are actually here right now. It is so good to see you.” And then he squeezes my hand as he lifts it to his mouth and kisses it, “I’ve missed you.”

Um…ok. What do you say to something like that without sounding like a complete moron? You do not say, “Ohhhh, thanks. It’s good to see you too.” But that is what I said. Because I’m clever.

Okay, the background story should probably be told. It was three years ago (I just had to do a lot of brain-straining calendar work to figure that out), and it was Halloween. I had just been dumped by some douche bag who went away to Cabo and met some hooker there he decided to have a long distance relationship with. I wasn’t too heart broken about it, as I knew it wasn’t going to be a long term relationship in the first place, but my ego was bruised. So, I dressed up in a super sexy cat outfit: black vinyl dress, black thigh highs, knee high black boots, and all of the necessary cat pieces and took my hot self out. I met up with some girl friends at the local bar we went to at the time, and started having me a good ol’-forget my ex-I’m young and hot kind of a night. (I can say that now, because I look nothing like I used to. I was pretty hot.) At some point I sat at a table with some bar acquaintances, and along the way met Jeff. He was friends with the acquaintances. He was my pal all night. It didn’t hurt at all that he was adorable, and paying me all kinds of compliments. And when the bar was closing, I took him home with me. My theory at the time was that the best way to get over one guy, is to get on top of another. (How many times do I have to tell you? I am the epitome of classiness!) We had a great time that night, and the next day we hung out all day and then he took me to dinner. I took him home, we parted with promises to talk soon and then I never heard from him. I asked our mutual acquaintances about him once, and she told me that he was dating someone and was happy. Didn’t think anything more of it. Good for him, I hoped he was happy. He had served his purpose. Fast forward back to last night…

We had so much fun! He is so kind, and so cute, and has this adorable little dimple in his right cheek when he smiles. He was by my side all night, unless he was getting me a new glass of water. We exchanged numbers early in the night, “so I won’t loose you again,” he said. We talked about what we had going on tonight, and we were both free, and we should go out!

I may be getting all excited for nothing. But I don’t think I am. He is the type of man I could really see myself with for a while. I’m not looking for a relationship, but I think one may be inevitable. Of course there is always the possibility that I will never hear from him again, and everything that was said last night was just a line to try to get in my pants again. I really don’t think he’s that guy though. He seems so sincere. So genuinely giddy that I was there. Seriously…giddy. And once I got over the initial embarrassment of not recognizing a past conquest, I was pretty damn giddy myself.

Running the risk of humiliating myself on multiple levels, I am actually going to hit the “Publish” button and post this entry. Knowing I may have to come back with my tail between my legs saying I had been wrong wrong wrong about a man, yet again. But that’s okay. I’ll take that chance, because I’m excited about this.

********************************************

Ya…he never called. I called him Wednesday to see what he wanted to do that night. I got his voice mail, left him a message and haven’t heard back from him! Thankfully I’m a seasoned veteran of The Game (as I like to refer to it) so I’m not upset at all. It happens sometimes. Sometimes I won’t call a guy I’ve told I will. Whatever. It’s funny that someone will fake being so interested, and then not call. I’m all for being honest. I’m a big girl, I can handle honesty. I’m not going to freak out if a guy doesn’t want to date me, or have a relationship. I don’t want to have a relationship with every guy I meet. There is no need to fake all of this, “I’ve missed you! I can’t believe you’re really here” bullshit. Because honestly, that’s not what I was expecting anyway!

It is so amusing to me. Sometimes there are waves of guys all at once, then there are droughts for long, long periods of time. This week has been a wave kind of a week though. So like I said, whatever!

Mike, Part 2 October 20, 2008

Mike kissed me, and it was every sappy thing you hear a kiss is supposed to be in every sappy story you read. Sparks, fireworks, electricity, pure passion. It was a kiss for the movies.

After the knock me off my feet kiss, I needed to sit down. I sat at the bar, and Mike asked what I wanted to drink. Being 24 and a bit (a HUGE bit) of a party girl at the time, I ordered a shot of Jaeger with a Cosmopolitan.  You know, ’cause I’m classy. After the shot, Mike introduced me to Rocco and some nasty hootchie he had just met. Seriously. TRASH-EY. Anyhow, not the point, I was actually happy that he wasn’t going to be invading my time with Mike. Mike and I sat there drinking, staring at one another, holding hands and smiling like idiots at one another. I’m sure we talked, about what I can’t recall. About 15 minutes, and 3 shots, into the twitterpatedness I remembered I was supposed to call my sister to check in. You know, because I was meeting a  stranger at a bar in a land far, far away.

I excused myself to the ladies room, and called my sister and told her there was a very good chance I was going to marry this man. I quickly filled her in, so I could get back to my man from Minnesota.

The rest of the night was fantastic. We drank, we danced to a Billy Joel cover band, we laughed and we kissed. At some point we ditched Rocco at the bar and went back to my hotel room. Those details I will leave out, because like I said earlier, I’m classy. *Insert laughter here*

I woke up the next morning wrapped in the arms of a man I had dreamt of for years. Since Mike’s internal clock was 2 hours ahead of mine, he was wide awake when I woke up at 6 am. Just laying there, smiling at me. We laid in bed for a few hours before he had to get up and go to his conference. I was a little irritated he was still going to go to his conference and not blow it off to spend the entire day with me. I think more than anything I was afraid he wasn’t going to come back. That he would vanish into thin air and never see him again.

I spent the morning lounging in bed, reliving everything that had just happened in the past 24 hours. I was smitten. I was in love. All it took was 4 years of getting to know someone over the phone, and less than 24 hours with them in person. I was finally able to drag myself out of bed, shower and do some shopping before Mike was done with his conference.

We met up in the afternoon, and decided we needed to do some touristy things. We went to the Space Needle and the EMP. We walked through Pike’s Market and downtown Seattle. At some point we must have had dinner, but I really don’t remember eating at all. We stopped at a small dive bar and had a beer before going back to the Space Needle to view Seattle at night.

The next morning I woke up to Mike kissing my forehead. He said, “Babe, you have to check this out,” pointing towards the television. Ironically, on tv there was a documentary of a photographer from Minnesota. They showcased many photos from right around Mike’s home. It was gorgeous. And so cool that show happened to be on while we were together.

This morning was our last morning together. We laid in bed for as long as possible, avoiding the inevitable. We talked about as much as we could in those last few hours together. He told me he loved me. We had been saying “I love you” for a long time, but hearing it in person and feeling it was so much more. I didn’t just love him, I was IN love with Mike.

Over the course of our time in Seattle we had talked about progressing our relationship. Mike asked me if I’d ever consider moving to Seattle. Seattle was do-able. Close to Portland, close to Matt. Minnesota was out of the question for me. Ideally it would be great if he could move to Portland, but he’d prefer Seattle. We’d talked about when I was going to get to go to Minnesota to visit him, and how soon he could make it to Portland.

After many tears, and many “please miss your flight” pleadings, we walked down the road to a fast food joint to grab something to eat. I couldn’t look at Mike throughout breakfast. Every time I did I started to cry. After about ten minutes of this, Mike cradled my face in hands and said, “Brooke, this is not goodbye. Please do not walk away from this being sad. Today is not good bye, today is see you soon. I want to see you smiling, not crying.”

I really tried to smile. I did. But I bawled. Mike walked me back to the hotel after breakfast. We stood on the sidewalk, embraced in one anothers arms for what seemed like only seconds, but had to have been close to 15 minutes.

“I promise you, it will not be another 4 years before we see one another again. I can guarantee that.” He kissed me one last time, told me he loved me, and turned and walked away.

********

I haven’t seen Mike since that day. I haven’t talked to Mike in probably 2 years. Mike has disappeared out of my life and I don’t know why. I have theory’s. My best guess is that he is married.

About a month after our time together in Seattle, Mike moved to another state. I don’t even remember where it was. Massachusetts, I think. He said he was offered the head coach position of a college hockey team. It broke my heart that he had moved, and not to the West Coast. He wouldn’t move out here. He said he couldn’t, and would never give me a reason why. He just couldn’t.

Things started to not add up after he moved. I goggled the college he told me he was working at, and could never find one with the exact name he had given me. What college didn’t have a website? When I asked him about it, he said he didn’t know why that was.

One day he told me they had a big game that night. I looked at the team they were playing’s website, and their schedule showed them playing some other team. I called him immediately and asked him what the hell was going on. I asked him if he was married, he said no. I asked him if he was really in Massachusetts, he said he was. The story was he was going through some kind of mid-life crisis and moved to Massachusetts to be with a friend for a while who had just gotten the coaching job at the college he was supposedly working for. Why the lies? I asked. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Brooke.” That was the only answer I got.

Contact with Mike was strained after that. I felt betrayed. How could this man let me fall in love with him, and then lie to me? How could I believe anything he told me anymore? Calls stopped coming, and stopped being returned.

Mike disappeared.

Every so often I will still send him a text message, or call him. The texts always go unanswered, the phone goes straight to voicemail. I’ve left messages that I just want to know the truth and I will leave him alone. I know that sounds a little stalker-ish, but I think I deserve an explanation.

I’m sure I will never really know who Mike was, or who he is. I’d imagine that he is married, maybe with a little rug rat or two. Maybe his wife found out about me, and threatened divorce if he didn’t stop talking to me. Who knows. Maybe he just got tired of me. Maybe he wasn’t married, but met someone and decided that I couldn’t be a part of his life anymore.

Whatever it is, an explanation would have been nice. I can’t shake it. I can’t let it to. It’s no longer every day that I think of Mike, but it’s often. Anytime Minnesota, hockey, Seattle or the name Mike are mentioned, I think of him. I know it must sound crazy to someone who hasn’t lived this, but I cannot get over it. I want to know the truth. I want to hear his voice. I want to know if he really truly loved me, or if this was just some crazy midlife crisis thing he did.

And what if he was married? Is married? Was I “the other woman”? Did I ruin a marriage without knowing it? If he was/is married, how did he get away with talking to me all of the time?  There are so many questions that I have for him.

Mostly, I just want to know if he did love me, how he could let it go so easily?

Mike, Part 1 October 17, 2008

The first job I had in Portland was working as an office coordinator for a company that taught computer classes. I ran our downtown Portland office, which sounds far more important than it actually was. I was the only permanent employee at that location, and was in charge of such glamorous tasks like making the coffee and printing certificates. Yes, it was all luxury and fabulousness, I assure you. This job would have been perfect for a college student. There was maybe 4 hours of work in an 8 hour day, but I was required to be there all 8 hours in the event that someone needed the code to the bathroom, or something else equally as glamorous. (Yes, there was a code to the bathroom. And it changed all the time. It was awesome.)

My boss told me basically to do what needed to be done, then read a book or surf the net. So, that’s what I did. Which is actually how I discovered the parenting website I met my other fake friend, Kira, on. One day I’m surfing the net and on AOL Instant Messenger. I get an instant message from someone I do not know, but I’m bored so we start chatting. It was all totally innocent. He wasn’t like, “Hey, what are you wearing?” or “Tell me what you like, baby!” We chatted and it was fun. It made my afternoon fly right by. His name was Mike.

At this point in my life I was still together with Matt, and had just gone back to work from maternity leave. I was still happy in my relationship with Matt and was upfront with Mike about my relationship and child. Mike lived in Minnesota, right outside of the twin cities. He was a middle school teacher and a hockey coach. He intrigued me. He lived in the part of the country that I had never been to, living a life that I had never been exposed to. In a land where there was always snow and hockey was was the sport dujour. Mike was in his 30’s and had played for a few years in the NHL.

Mike and I continued our virtual friendship. I was honest with Matt about Mike. Matt thought it was cool because Mike lived in Minnesota, and Matt has been a life long Minnesota Vikings fan. About a year into our friendship, I got my first cell phone. (Yes, I’ve always been a late bloomer when it comes to technology.) I was working out a lot, trying to drop my baby weight, and would often go for jogs after coming home from work. At some point I got Mike’s phone number, and we started talking on the phone when I would go for my jogs, which of course became walks, because who wants to try to carry on a conversation while breathing heavily? I kept these conversations from Matt. Matt was never a jealous person, but I just instinctively felt it was something that I needed to hide. I was liking talking to Mike too much.

After I left Matt, I was free to continue the telephone relationship with Mike whenever I wanted. Mike had nothing to do with me leaving Matt. Not a single thing. Mike had become a fun fantasy, but I knew it would never be anything more than that. He lived in Minnesota, for goodness sake! He was a friend who I could tell anything to, and a big support in my transition from being with Matt to being on my own.

Over the course of the next few years, our friendship developed into one that was more flirty and romantic. I started to truly have feelings for this man. Of course it didn’t stop me from dating other people, as there was no commitment to Mike, just feelings. We had a weird, kindred connection. We would talk everyday. We’d send pictures to one another. We started trying to figure out ways and places for us to meet. I can’t tell you how many times I looked up the price of a plane ticket to Minneapolis.

Mike was smart. And he was funny. I loved laying in bed at night, listening to his North Dakotan accent. There were many nights where I’d fall asleep, curled up with my phone while he was telling me a story. I’d drift off just like he was right there next to me telling me the story in person.

Mike and I both dated other people throughout the years, and we were each others sounding boards. He’d tell me about some psycho chick he was dating, and I’d fill him in on the losers I was dating. I never got any red flags. Nothing seemed fishy. He was always available when I needed, or wanted, him by phone. I even had the direct line to his classroom and would call him in the middle of class if I wanted to talk to him.

Almost 4 years into our friendship, Mike shared with me the best news. He was coming to Seattle for a coaching conference! Seattle! A mere 3 hour drive from me! I immediately requested the time off of work, made sure Matt could watch C and booked a hotel room. Now, not being a stupid girl, I had a friend who was a paralegal do a backgruond search on Mike, to make sure he wasn’t a serial killer or wanted or had any outstanding parking tickets. Because those guys, those outstanding parking ticket guys, those guys are Trouble! He came up clean! Now my paralegal friend did say that it showed up with someone named Melanie attached to it. Like they shared an address. I knew Melanie was his ex-girlfriend and that they had lived together before, so I brushed it off. Of course the thought did cross my mind that What If Melanie was in the picture still? That just couldn’t be though! There was no way Mike could talk to me as much as he did, and lie to me about being with someone. He told me about all of the women he dated, why would he lie about one person? It couldn’t be, so I didn’t think about it.

So, the day came. I worked a half of day at the office, and I was off to Seattle. I won’t lie. I put a plastic bag in the seat next to me in case I needed to puke. I was so nervous I could hardly form coherent sentences. I remember the exact moment the butterflies went away. Mike called me to tell me he had just checked into his hotel room, as I was crossing the bridge into Washington. Talking to him eased my butterflies. I was no longer nervous, I was Excited! I could not get to Seattle fast enough.

The plan was I would check into my hotel (which was not the same hotel as him, and he didn’t know which hotel I was staying at, because I’m a safety girl) and get ready, and then meet up with him. As it turned out, one of his best friends Rocco was in town with him, who I had always heard about. I was excited to not only finally get to meet Mike, but to meet his best friend as well. So I got checked in, showered, made myself pretty, fretted forever about what I would wear, and had the front desk call me a cab. Mike had already called me with the name of the bar they were at, so the kind cabbie drove me the few miles patiently listening to me nervously blabber on and on about what I was doing and who I was going to meet.

I called Mike when we pulled up outside and I told him I was there. (OMG, I’m totally getting butterflies again just writing this, how funny!) I threw a bill at the cabbie, and told him to keep the change, which I think was probably like a 200% tip. But I didn’t care, because I saw Mike. Standing ten feet away from me, smiling at me IN PERSON. He was wearing a yellow polo shirt, khaki shorts and a huge smile on his face. I was one stride away from him, my eye on the prize, when some jerk (aka doorman) stopped me and insisted on seeing my ID. I swear it took him ten minutes to read that my license said I was 21. The whole time I’m standing there, smiling at Mike trying not to cry because I’m in total shock that he is standing right in front of me. Finally the jerk gives me back my ID.

I practically jumped into Mike’s arms. We stood in the middle of the entrance to the bar, squeezing one another for what seemed to be 5 minutes. I didn’t want to let him go. I was afraid he was a dream, and he was going to vanish into thin air. Then I heard his voice for the first time in person, and felt his words on my ear. He said, “Babe, are you okay? Why are you shaking?” I pulled away just enough to see his face without loosening my grip on him. “I don’t know,” I said. “I’m just kind of overwhelmed, I can’t believe you’re really here.” And then he kissed me.

So This Should Be Interesting… October 15, 2008

B is coming with me to the Kick Ass Annual Halloween Party I go to on Saturday. He has met a few of my friends, but never really hung out with any for an extended amount of time. I really have no doubt in my mind that they will all get along really well. I’m very excited!