Must Wear Panties To Breakfast April 3, 2009

Yesterday morning Sushi Boy and I were laying in bed. Both of our stomach’s were growling. I hadn’t eaten much the day before, and we didn’t have anything good in the house. So we decided to go out to breakfast.

I was being lazy, and just threw on a bra and a long dress. I decided it just wasn’t in the cards to go into the attached room that I have turned into my closet to find underwear. The world was not going to end if I didn’t wear underwear to breakfast.

Or was it???

I laid back down on the bed to wait for Sushi Boy to take his dog out to potty, and get dressed. When he comes back in the room, he jumps on me. We wrestle for a minute, and then he hops up and I start to stand up to go, when he catches a glimps of my bare booty.

Sushi Boy: You aren’t wearing any underwear!

Me: I know…

Sushi Boy: Gross!

Me: Gross???

Sushi Boy: Babe…it’s a family restaurant!

Me: (Hysterical laughter for a solid 2 minutes)

Sushi Boy: Is it really that funny?

Me: Oh yes! Yes, it is. Do you think I’m going to hike my dress up and sit with my legs spread at breakfast?!? Seriously???

Sushi Boy: If we were going out to a bar or something, that would be hot. But at breakfast…that’s just kind of dirty.

Me: (Even more hysterical laughter) Fine, I’ll put on a pair of panties. Is a thong okay? Or is that too dirty for breakfast too? (Followed by more hysterical laughter)

Part of the reason why this is soooo amusing to me, is Sushi Boy is one of the most open minded people I have ever met. I could tell him that I wanted to have wild crazy monkey sex with actual monkeys and he would say, “If that is what you are into babe, I’ll see where we can get the monkeys!” and never think any less of me. * So the fact that he was completely appalled by the thought of me going au natural to breakfast, while wearing a dress who’s hem fell well below my knees is hilarious!

I guess there are just some circumstances where panties are required, and breakfast is one of them!

*Disclaimer: In no way, shape or form do monkeys turn me on. Or any animal for that matter. This statement was just used as an example and no actual animals were harmed (or humped) in the re-creation of this story.

Everyone Is Gay After Midnight February 8, 2009

I really should be sending out resumes for the 5 gazillionth time in a month, but I don’t have the passion to do that right now. I’m in the kind of mood that would not create cover letters that scream, “I AM THE SHIT! YOU NEED TO HIRE ME!” I should also be trying to find a home for the rest of my crap that is in the living room here at Casa De Sushi. But that wouldn’t work out well either. I’d probably just throw it all upstairs and forget about it. The same for the stacks and towers of laundry that need to folded and put away. That just isn’t going to happen this afternoon.

I know I must sound like I’m teetering on the edge of depression and insanity, but I’m not. I am insanely happy, and I have had a wonderful weekend. I guess I’m just lacking motivation right now. After a wonderful morning out and about with Sushi Boy, the C-Men and my ex (yes, MY EX, as Jerry Springer as that sounds, it is not) I came home, put on my pj pants and climbed back into bed to watch some mindless television.

After about an hour Sushi Boy decided to geek out and play XBox Live, which got me out of the bedroom quicker than you can say “First Person Shooter” which is a term I’d never heard until just recently. So, here I am. Just wasting away my day on the computer.

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It’s been a great weekend. Friday started off well with Sushi Boy being called back in for a 2nd interview for a really great job. Turns out the interview was a JOB OFFER (!!!!!!!) with a super awesome company doing inside sales. The job has awesome benefits to boot. Assuming he passes the background check, which there is no reason why he shouldn’t, he starts next Monday! I’m so excited for him. This is a great opportunity.

After his “interview” we picked up C from school, and then took him to his dads house, where we hung out and played Rock Band. Sushi Boy and Matt get along really well, which is so awesome. I really can’t explain how cool I think it is that not only is Sushi Boy not freaked out that Matt and I have such a good relationship, but he is forming his own relationship, er…friendship is probably a better term, with Matt. Although nowhere close to being traditional, I think this is such a healthy thing for not only Christian, but all of us. Matt and his fiance Jessica also came to my birthday party a few weeks ago, and we all had a kick ass time together. I think it is so good for Christian to see that even though his mom and dad are not together, they still like and respect one another. Today Matt and Christian came with us to go gokart racing and out to lunch. Super fun times!

I had brought some wine to Matt’s house Friday night, and decided that it was “Celebration Bitches”, and drank a few too many glasses of Reisling as I belted out such sweet tunes as, “Pretty Fly for a White Guy.” After a few hours of pretending I could sing, I decided that it was a great idea for Sushi Boy and I to go to the strip club. Now you have to understand  a few things here. 1) The city of Portland has more strip clubs per capita than any other city in the US. 2) Because of the plethora of strip clubs here, it’s no big deal for us Portlanders to go to a strip club. It’s like going to a McDonalds. Only instead of wearing hairnets, the employees wear 6 inch silver heels, a smile and not much else.

By this point I was pretty tipsy, and pretty adamant that going to the strip club was what we HAD TO DO. I wouldn’t let Sushi Boy tell me no. There is a classy one (yes, I said classy when referring to a strip club. It totally is. Come visit and I’ll take you there!) just a few blocks from Matt’s house. Sushi Boy realized I wasn’t going to let this go. On the walk over, as he is trying to help 6 foot me walk straight, he tells me, “Do not talk to anyone until we get to the table. If you say anything, they are not going to let you in, because you are obviously intoxicated.” Or something along those lines. I don’t remember the conversation verbatim. We miraculously get in, and have a seat. Sushi Boy orders dinner, which I totally should have done, but decided about 500 Cran and Malibu’s would be better for me than food. I am Miss Logic when I drink, let me tell you. After bouncing back and forth between the rack and our table, a cute little dancer comes over and sits down with us, which is totally common place. We’re chatting and she’s a doll, and a little while into our conversation, we ( I say we because I don’t remember if it was my idea or Sushi Boy’s idea) decide to get a private dance. That’s the reason she has sat down with us, because she’s a sales person and she’s trying to sell us the priciest item on the menu. She was a great sales woman!

So we go into the back room and have a seat in chairs against the wall. Our new stripper friend starts dancing and taking off her clothes. While she is provocatively hovering over me, I apparently stick out my tongue and lick her neck! What the hell? I get a warning  for this, because you aren’t supposed to touch the strippers with your hands, let alone your tongue. Then, I try it again! Only it wasn’t her neck I was trying to lick this time, it was her boob! What the hell?!? When did I start liking girls? Um, apparently 2 bottles of wine into the night. Geeze Louise!

Not long after that our dance was over, and so was my trip to the strip club. Sushi Boy took me back to the car, and back home. Sushi Boy so kindly filled in the blurry parts of the evening for me yesterday morning. I was/am so embarrassed. Our stripper friend was so sweet, she didn’t deserve to have some wine drunk hetro trying to lick her all night. Hopefully her night improved after that!

Boy was I paying for it yesterday morning. I had the hangover from hell. My head pounded, my stomach turned. I had plans to have lunch with my BFF Quinn, and was tempted to cancel, but I hadn’t seen her in a long time so I decided to man up. Sushi Boy needed new tires on his Soccer Mom van, so we dropped the van off before catching a cab downtown. Just a heads up for all of you out there… if you have a killer hangover from drinking like a fish, after not drinking for a long time, don’t go to a tire shop. The smell of tires on a hangover is not a pleasant one. It made my stomach flip and turn and do somersaults. I had to go outside and wait for our cab, as to not puke all over the lobby of the tire store. The cab ride downtown was not a fun one either. Thankfully, about halfway through lunch I started feeling better. Good enough to spill the details of my embarrassing adventures at the strip club to Quinn. She shrugged her shoulders and said, “Hey, everyone is gay after midnight!” Apparently that’s true for me!

So, that was my excitement. Anyone else lick a stripper this weekend? lol

My Funny Girl December 10, 2008

This is my niece, Riley.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is my niece, Julia.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Both Riley and Julia are the daughters of my sister, Brandi. They have different fathers.

On Saturday, I was walking around the kitchen holding Riley. We were looking at pictures on the fridge and Riley tells me, “Auntie, I have a secret to tell you!” “Oh…I love secrets,” I tell her. She then points the picture of the 3-D Ultrasound Brandi had when she was pregnant with Julia, and says, “I wanted Julia to look like that. But she came out Mexican, instead!”

I laughed so hard, and then she told me I couldn’t tell anyone. How funny is that! In the 3-D u/s picture Julia did look white, because it was just a sepia colored photo.

Eventually Riley told my sister what she had said. The glorious things that kids say…

(And yes, my 9 month old niece is totally walking already! How awesome is that?!?)

My Secret Plan to Make Everyone Look Like Monks December 3, 2008

Recently Sushi Boy and I have been seeing this commercial on TV for something called a Snuggie. It NEVER fails to make us laugh hysterically. I am both amused and infatuated with it.

In case you haven’t seen the commercial, a Snuggie is a blanket/robe type contraption. Like a blanket with sleeves and a neck hole. I won’t lie, it looks incredibly cozy although incredibly Monk-like.

This is what I think I will buy everyone for Christmas! So, if you think I may be buying you gift for Christmas, let me know if you want your Snuggie in maroon, royal blue, or sage green!

Look at all of the cool, sedentary things you can do while wearing a Snuggie!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And! If you call NOW you can get a second Snuggie for FREE!!!